Hang Time

I am the Michael Jordan of the unemployed. It's now been 3 1/2 months since I returned from working in New York. So far, I've made it through the holidays, the collapse of the modern world's financial infrastructure, the ongoing SAG work stoppage/hostage situation, Valentine's Day and the Oscars without receiving a dime of my hard earned unemployment compensation.

I've learned 52 ways to prepare oatmeal to resemble other, more appetizing food stuffs. I've learned how to color my own hair, trim my own bangs, that a solution of 1 part vinegar and 2 parts water cleans my laminate floors the best. I DIY manicures, pedicures, teeth whitening, pilates, chiropractic and therapy. It may be time to take on home horticulture...if you know what I mean. The only thing I'm not doing is bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan.

Oh, it's only a matter of time, I know. Meanwhile, I ponder morality issues like - If I catch the repo man hooking up my car, do I offer him a blow job or...

...do I adopt the Sigourney Weaver from ALIENS - "Get away from her you BITCH!" stance?

...actually, Tony Montana is more me. "Say hello to my little friend!"

Frankly, my blow jobs are worth way more than what I owe. And, by the way....ew. Sigh. I was never the sexual bartering type. That happens when you're used to being begged for it. Now, where did it get me? But I digress.
Here's more useless information I've amassed while hanging. CSI-Miami is the shit. While I was incubating the plague last week, my TV was stuck on A&E and I didn't have the will to find the remote. So I watched the marathon. It's well crafted. They have a distinct color palette for the show that's very Miami...all sherbet pastels and color saturated. The stories - taken from real CSI files I assume - are cool. Each character has their "thing" and I like them all. Especially the delish Khandi Alexander.
And I have to believe that David Caruso is in on the joke with those corny one-liners he delivers at least once during each episode. Like "You know what they say, 'You lie down with the Devil, you wake up in Hell". He's still the bad ass he promised to be back on NYPD Blue. He took his knocks, got pissed on by Hollywood for a while, found his way back and is doing what he's good at. That's all any of us can hope for, right?

Redemption seems to be a theme in 2009 so far. America, Mickey Rourke...well America hasn't been redeemed yet. There's still some Golden Shower action in the old USA's future before we can be considered "redeemed." Sean Penn acknowledged his own duplicity in his prickly relationship with success and acceptance in the Hollywood community. He worked hard for that Oscar. Mickey Rourke did too. Even though he didn't end up with it, he was a contender to the wire. And a great come back tale for all of us out here wondering if we have a 2nd act or a 3rd....

Meanwhile, I've perfected the art of hang time. Now, just wait and see what I bust out with at the next game buzzer.


P.S. - Below is a little "barter system chart" left over from the last depression. Pay special attention to the man with the sheep...

You R On Your Own

I have returned from my momentary lapse of reason. I was gripped by a need to try and control something that I have no control over. While SAG continues to cannibalize itself and hold the rest of us hostage - I no longer give a shit. I am now going to be ALL ABOUT ME. So suck it Rosenberg and the other remaining power mad freaks who are determined never to work in this town again. I LOVE actors. Truly love them and have always been their advocate but this is utter stupidity. I don't make any declarations here of what I hope happens to them. I don't have a horse in that race - even though the old me would. All I want to do is make movies and I don't care how that happens. I'll make them in Poland, I'll make them in Nigeria, I'll make them in Russia. Anywhere I have the opportunity to be involved in making a movie...I'll go. I don't care if there's anyone recognizable in them, or if they get U.S. distribution. FUCK THAT. That is all. Good Day....I SAID Good Day!!

BANGING THE DRUM

OMG! The Screen Actors Guild's continued fiddling while Rome burns is beyond frustrating. To strike or not to strike isn't even the issue anymore. JUST MAKE A DECISION!

Day after day I hear from more good people, who have given their blood sweat and tears to production - telling me they are going broke, losing homes, unable to care for their families. No one is caring for those families. No one is establishing a fund for the thousands of crew members who are slowly withering away while the pomposity that is SAG's leadership continues to sit on the throne and pontificate.

So, I've taken things into my own hands and started the below petition which will be sent to Governor Schwarzenegger in an effort to compel him to step in and mediate the current SAG stalemate. And for all those of us who find it easier to blog or post our frustrations than actually showing up for a picket line or demonstration, contacting the Governor can be done from the coziness of your easy chair. Simple, effective, can make a big statement if we get it together.

Please take 30 seconds to sign the petition. Additionally, I recommend emailing and/or calling the Governor's office regarding this dire situation in California.

http://www.petitiononline.com/SAG90210/petiti on.html


http://gov.ca.gov/interact#contact - to contact Governor Schwarzenegger

I don't care if you think I'm a Crackpot!

It worked. Whatever you want to chalk it up to.... but I'd say, to ignore the correlation between my recent trip down Fungi Lane and this new burst of writing is foolhardy. I have written 25 pages since my last post! That's really all I've got right now. Just in case anyone is paying attention. And would appreciate an update. And is too shy or lazy to post a comment. And btw, below is the definition of Mushroom from the Roget's Thesaurus website:

Main Entry:	mushroom
Part of Speech:	verb
Definition:	sprout; grow quickly
Synonyms:	augment, blow up, boom, burgeon, burst, detonate, expand, explode, flourish, go off, grow, grow rapidly, increase, luxuriate, proliferate, shoot up, spread, spring up

Spiritual VEETAVITAVEGAMIN

I'm not gonna lie.

Here I sat on December 30, 2008. I've been back from New York for a month and haven't really written. Oh, I've written a couple of blog posts - not particularly inspired - I've opened the script I started before I left in September. Written maybe 7 pages total. But I gotta tell you it's been a slog. I thought I'd come back and just churn out a draft before January 1.

I've done it before. I have the discipline, I have the drive, I have the desire...

NORMALLY.

But it seemed my 'get up and go' got up and went. I'm in urgent need of a transfusion, a large dose of Veetavitavegamin.

I need help. I'm like a dying Tinkerbell and I just need Peter Pan to rally the troops and BELIEVE in me so that I can do what I need and want to do. I need a SIGN, a blessing, a miracle. I want to have one of those writing experiences we hear about. Like when Kevin Williamson went to Palm Springs for a "sleepless weekend" and came out with Scream. I want one of those experiences where it's like I'm channeling...where the words just pour out of me through my fingers onto the keys and into my laptop. Where I don't eat, drink, sleep or pee for a week and come out looking like the Bride of Frankenstein holding a fucking script that SELLS!

Well, Cats and Kittens, it seems like I got my sign. Not exactly the fever dream explosion that results in a finished script...BUT a sure sign. Where did it come from?


My New Year's Eve Magic Mushroom Trip. I've done them before but not with a specific quest. All I can say is that it put everything into perspective. Everything. I can't imagine what more I could have learned if my Ego hadn't kept pulling me back to "reality". Our Ego is very invested in keeping us from connecting with our spirit. Spirit knows that EVERYTHING is possible. I mean it. Ego keeps us in line with rules and fear and "the way it is". It does this to protect us. It is the babysitter of the Spirit and trust me your Ego wants to shake your Spirit like a bad Nanny would. Spirit's purpose here on earth is to experience physical form.

We are all literally playing "The Game of Life." Scoff if you must. I've had this thought at various moments, unassisted by any drug but it was made clear to me last night. Thus Ego's stranglehold on us. Ego is playing Life to the death...Spirit is playing to increase it's score. Reincarnation is a player's re-entry into the game. I don't know which is worse. Going through an entire life never awakening - thinking that this life, this incarnation is the only one we've got. OR, waking up half way through and realizing you have been playing in a trance. Image waking up half way through The Amazing Race and realizing IT'S A RACE.

What last night's experience gave me was a calming, an understanding that refocused me on to the thrill of creating rather than the outcome. Again, I'm not gonna lie. I want that successful outcome. But now I can create without the paralyzing fear of failure.

I'm not being very articulate about the actual experience, I know. But that's private. The messages were profound and I don't feel like sharing them right now. All I can say is that I'm ready to do whatever it takes to 'Be Calm and Carry On.' I'll leave you with this succinct quote from Bill Hicks. If you don't know who he is, there's tons of his stuff on youtube. Or go to billhicks.com

“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.”

I'm going off to work on my script now. I'll keep you posted...















P.S. - My mind just boggled at the thought of the multitudes of people who are so disconnected from their Spirit that they're not even playing THIS game of Life. They're playing 'Second Life'....playing a game within a game. Now that's a trip!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let's play!

A Festivus for the Rest of US...

For those of you whom the Christmas Spirit has eluded as well, here's a little video that will warm the cockles of your Grinch sized heart. And before you complain, it's only 12 seconds long!




I wish you an expansion of heart, mind and soul in the coming year.

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na...I'm gonna start a fight!

Ugh... Now I've had all the fight beaten out of me by my blogger dashboard.

I came on all fired up to write a post about annoying people who get invited to screen a soon to be nominated film BEFORE it opens and then critique it before the lights even come back up.

So I sign on - which takes five minutes because somehow I'm mysteriously signed out and can't remember which password I used for this account. Then I start furiously typing the new post, only to look up and see that it's all written in Hindi...

I have had one too many nogs and bowls to try and figure out any kind of technical shenanigans but that doesn't stop me. But of course by the time I DO figure it out much of my ire has cooled. But not completely...

First of all, bitches, I wouldn't have invited you! Someone else did. But instead of getting that it's a Festivus miracle to be in my company AND get to watch a movie that most people won't get to see until December 25th, you have to force your "professional opinion" on us.

Just because you:

a. directed a Lifetime movie in Saskatchewan in 1989.

b. cut trailers for Disney.

or

c. do audio post for "Dora the Explorer ".

does not mean that anyone cares what you thought of the movie/tv series/infomercial or ice show etc. There's a reason they keep you locked in a windowless labyrinth. You are boring.

But I fucking digress. And now I've completely lost interest and am about to eat some Snickerdoodle dough.

FYI, below is what comes up when you google Snickerdoodle:

Snickerdoodle Cake!

Chrisitan Snickerdoodle Soy Candles!

Snickerdoodle French Toast!

Ugly-Cute Snickerdoodle Puppy!

Snickerdoodle Cupcake!

Snickdoodle Pussy!

Ho fucking Ho Ho!