Here I sat on December 30, 2008. I've been back from New York for a month and haven't really written. Oh, I've written a couple of blog posts - not particularly inspired - I've opened the script I started before I left in September. Written maybe 7 pages total. But I gotta tell you it's been a slog. I thought I'd come back and just churn out a draft before January 1.
I've done it before. I have the discipline, I have the drive, I have the desire...
But it seemed my 'get up and go' got up and went. I'm in urgent need of a transfusion, a large dose of Veetavitavegamin.
I need help. I'm like a dying Tinkerbell and I just need Peter Pan to rally the troops and BELIEVE in me so that I can do what I need and want to do. I need a SIGN, a blessing, a miracle. I want to have one of those writing experiences we hear about. Like when Kevin Williamson went to Palm Springs for a "sleepless weekend" and came out with Scream. I want one of those experiences where it's like I'm channeling...where the words just pour out of me through my fingers onto the keys and into my laptop. Where I don't eat, drink, sleep or pee for a week and come out looking like the Bride of Frankenstein holding a fucking script that SELLS!
Well, Cats and Kittens, it seems like I got my sign. Not exactly the fever dream explosion that results in a finished script...BUT a sure sign. Where did it come from?
My New Year's Eve Magic Mushroom Trip. I've done them before but not with a specific quest. All I can say is that it put everything into perspective. Everything. I can't imagine what more I could have learned if my Ego hadn't kept pulling me back to "reality". Our Ego is very invested in keeping us from connecting with our spirit. Spirit knows that EVERYTHING is possible. I mean it. Ego keeps us in line with rules and fear and "the way it is". It does this to protect us. It is the babysitter of the Spirit and trust me your Ego wants to shake your Spirit like a bad Nanny would. Spirit's purpose here on earth is to experience physical form.
We are all literally playing "The Game of Life." Scoff if you must. I've had this thought at various moments, unassisted by any drug but it was made clear to me last night. Thus Ego's stranglehold on us. Ego is playing Life to the death...Spirit is playing to increase it's score. Reincarnation is a player's re-entry into the game. I don't know which is worse. Going through an entire life never awakening - thinking that this life, this incarnation is the only one we've got. OR, waking up half way through and realizing you have been playing in a trance. Image waking up half way through The Amazing Race and realizing IT'S A RACE.
What last night's experience gave me was a calming, an understanding that refocused me on to the thrill of creating rather than the outcome. Again, I'm not gonna lie. I want that successful outcome. But now I can create without the paralyzing fear of failure.
I'm not being very articulate about the actual experience, I know. But that's private. The messages were profound and I don't feel like sharing them right now. All I can say is that I'm ready to do whatever it takes to 'Be Calm and Carry On.' I'll leave you with this succinct quote from Bill Hicks. If you don't know who he is, there's tons of his stuff on youtube. Or go to billhicks.com
“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.”
I'm going off to work on my script now. I'll keep you posted...
P.S. - My mind just boggled at the thought of the multitudes of people who are so disconnected from their Spirit that they're not even playing THIS game of Life. They're playing 'Second Life'....playing a game within a game. Now that's a trip!
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let's play!