Sanctuary!

I don't know about you but it's very noisy and busy in my head most of the time. And I will have these lightening rounds of profundity when least expected! Here's what I'm talking about...

Thursday started out as a difficult day for me. FYI, I take care of my parents now...well, mostly my mother. My dad is still going strong but my mother is a problem child. We never had a good relationship and not that I think taking care of a parent you love is easier...but back in the day my mother was a bitch on wheels and she's still capable of going full throttle. That is balanced out by her treacly neediness when she's not doing so well. Bottom line, I never know which mother I'm going to get on any given day, hell any given hour. On Thursday it was Robobitch.

I decided it was a good day to do all my running around. Dry cleaners, CVS, Car Wash...I haven't actually gotten my car washed since March...waiting for the rain to stop...what?? Finances being what they are at the moment, I decided to go the gas station car wash. Not that there's anything wrong with that! Except the whole vacuuming and wiping it yourself part...again, what?? Did I mention that it was HOT? Somehow my thumbnail got torn and it's about this time that my demons kicked in and I was fleeing them like Courtney Cox in Scream!

The loop of my circumstances, the shaky state of the economy, the ridiculous state of our country, the thought that my mother will never die and that if things don't get better, I'm doomed to a pas de deux of death with her...like I said, demons.

I raced over to my friend's Chris and Nancy's house. If you know me, then you know what I'm talking about (They were the 11th Days of Christmas post). I had planned on going over there anyway. I do a lot of my best creative work over there. But I arrive hot, sweaty and desperate! But when I entered it was literally...aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. Their cleaning lady had just left and the house was quiet, clean and cool. Talk about an Exhale. I wandered out to the studio and found Chris working away. We chatted about my upcoming show for a bit and our banter sparked a couple of good ideas for me.

I fired up my MAC and wrote the opening of my new show! It was one of those experiences where you know something is working through you. I've often said I wanted one of those writing experiences where it all just pours out of me...and that's exactly what I got. I couldn't type fast enough! Then it left again. But it left me impressed and in awe. I continued to feel energized and was very productive creatively for the rest of the week...demons banished for now.

That's what I call a lightening round of profundity.

On the 11th Day of Christmas...

My Universe gave to me...

A Port in a Storm

I don't know how it works for you but it's very important for me to create an atmosphere that is familiar, consistent, safe and comfortable. I've never been one of those people that can write in a cubicle, a coffee shop or a park. I can blog, I can email, I can IM, etc. anywhere. But to go where I need to go within myself to give birth to my characters and the stories they inhabit...I need peace and reasonably assured privacy.

My friends, the Many's have afforded me such a place. Their very own home. They have been astoundingly loving and giving to me and understanding of me. They offered me a port in my storm. I am allowed to come and go without announcement. No questions asked. If I'm having a dark day they leave me be til I'm ready to be human again.

The room I write in was once their oldest son's...now a dvd library of sorts. It sits at the very front of the house and also has a door to their laundry room. I don't either shut the door when I'm there because somehow the room is removed enough from the hustle bustle of the rest of the house while still allowing me to hear the comforting sounds of life around me. Except when it sounds like there are tennis shoes in the dryer. There's a big overstuffed chair and ottoman by the window where I set up shop. Their two dogs - Huskies named Lexi and Tasha, are my muses. They greet me with wild joy every single time they see me and eventually settle in on the floor at my feet, to keep me company. It's a truly beautiful thing. When I'm there, I can feel all the promise of what's possible, tangibly once more.


It's no small gesture to open one's home to someone...no matter how much you care for them...I don't think I could do it. But the Many's are extraordinary people. And I am very lucky to benefit from their kindness. I hope to be able to thank them properly some day but I know they're not keeping tabs.

On the 8th Day of Christmas...

My Universe gave to me...

The Generosity of Friends

2009 has been a Witch's tit of a year..To many...Some of those many are my friends. Friends who have been having a tough go of it this year as well...but these friends have been incredibly good to me...

One friend was keeping me supplied with weed for months....MONTHS, for free...Others treated me to things that are usually on the casualty list when you've been unemployed for a looooong time...a nice meal out, a few drinks at the local pub, a movie complete with popcorn and soda. There is something so humanizing about these social mores...they make one feel infinitely better about ones self. The generosity of these friends has overwhelmed me at times...also overwhelming has been the deafening silence or the breakneck backpedaling of other 'friends'. But, I've been working on letting that be about them and not me. Who knows what fears our circumstances trigger in others. Who knows - indeed - what burdens and hardships others are facing and trying to keep under wraps.

But, I am so touched by the generosity I have been shown this year and I look forward to being able to supply the same for someone when I can.

I love you all. You know who you are.