Sanctuary!

I don't know about you but it's very noisy and busy in my head most of the time. And I will have these lightening rounds of profundity when least expected! Here's what I'm talking about...

Thursday started out as a difficult day for me. FYI, I take care of my parents now...well, mostly my mother. My dad is still going strong but my mother is a problem child. We never had a good relationship and not that I think taking care of a parent you love is easier...but back in the day my mother was a bitch on wheels and she's still capable of going full throttle. That is balanced out by her treacly neediness when she's not doing so well. Bottom line, I never know which mother I'm going to get on any given day, hell any given hour. On Thursday it was Robobitch.

I decided it was a good day to do all my running around. Dry cleaners, CVS, Car Wash...I haven't actually gotten my car washed since March...waiting for the rain to stop...what?? Finances being what they are at the moment, I decided to go the gas station car wash. Not that there's anything wrong with that! Except the whole vacuuming and wiping it yourself part...again, what?? Did I mention that it was HOT? Somehow my thumbnail got torn and it's about this time that my demons kicked in and I was fleeing them like Courtney Cox in Scream!

The loop of my circumstances, the shaky state of the economy, the ridiculous state of our country, the thought that my mother will never die and that if things don't get better, I'm doomed to a pas de deux of death with her...like I said, demons.

I raced over to my friend's Chris and Nancy's house. If you know me, then you know what I'm talking about (They were the 11th Days of Christmas post). I had planned on going over there anyway. I do a lot of my best creative work over there. But I arrive hot, sweaty and desperate! But when I entered it was literally...aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. Their cleaning lady had just left and the house was quiet, clean and cool. Talk about an Exhale. I wandered out to the studio and found Chris working away. We chatted about my upcoming show for a bit and our banter sparked a couple of good ideas for me.

I fired up my MAC and wrote the opening of my new show! It was one of those experiences where you know something is working through you. I've often said I wanted one of those writing experiences where it all just pours out of me...and that's exactly what I got. I couldn't type fast enough! Then it left again. But it left me impressed and in awe. I continued to feel energized and was very productive creatively for the rest of the week...demons banished for now.

That's what I call a lightening round of profundity.

It DOESN'T have to become a Movie!

Ever experienced a bad bad boyfriend? Been in a relationship where you always came second? Been disappointed, lied to to, cheated on or worst of all battered and abused? Well, that's been my relationship with Hollywood. Hollywood is the man that you just know is bad for you but is so charming and suave that, time and time again, you forgive them and believe that this time will be different.

Our microcosm of society (in this town) is so out of whack that we, as artists, have come to believe that our art has no validity unless someone wants to make a movie out of it. I've been guilty of that myself for a couple of decades. Every anecdote related to me starts the wheels in my brain turning..."That could be a (adjective here) movie!

We don't create anything just for the sake of it's creation. We create it in hopes of a movie deal.

What is wrong with this picture? Imagine for a moment, if Matisse, Picasso, Van Gogh were creating their masterpieces with a three picture deal in mind? The Hollywood prism has invalidated artistry for the sake of art. In this desolate, treacherous, now all but dead world, your art doesn't mean shit if it doesn't get made.

I, for one, am no longer agreeing to this poisonous, one sided, upside down, sick relationship . I am breaking up with Hollywood. It has taken the joy out of my creating for the last time. I will no longer write anything that I think might be "commercial" enough or that 'so-and-so' might respond to. In the plainest parlance I have...FUCK THAT.

I'll be writing stories that I want to read...Exploring the worlds that play on endless loops in my imagination...painting pictures with words that satisfy my soul and make my heart skip. Now...will I be disappointed if no one else cares about these stories? I can't lie. I'm an artist who has always been motivated to sell. It's a step by step process. I can't give everything up at once. But I've taken the first step in walking away from a relationship I've been addicted to for waaaaay too long.

On the 11th Day of Christmas...

My Universe gave to me...

A Port in a Storm

I don't know how it works for you but it's very important for me to create an atmosphere that is familiar, consistent, safe and comfortable. I've never been one of those people that can write in a cubicle, a coffee shop or a park. I can blog, I can email, I can IM, etc. anywhere. But to go where I need to go within myself to give birth to my characters and the stories they inhabit...I need peace and reasonably assured privacy.

My friends, the Many's have afforded me such a place. Their very own home. They have been astoundingly loving and giving to me and understanding of me. They offered me a port in my storm. I am allowed to come and go without announcement. No questions asked. If I'm having a dark day they leave me be til I'm ready to be human again.

The room I write in was once their oldest son's...now a dvd library of sorts. It sits at the very front of the house and also has a door to their laundry room. I don't either shut the door when I'm there because somehow the room is removed enough from the hustle bustle of the rest of the house while still allowing me to hear the comforting sounds of life around me. Except when it sounds like there are tennis shoes in the dryer. There's a big overstuffed chair and ottoman by the window where I set up shop. Their two dogs - Huskies named Lexi and Tasha, are my muses. They greet me with wild joy every single time they see me and eventually settle in on the floor at my feet, to keep me company. It's a truly beautiful thing. When I'm there, I can feel all the promise of what's possible, tangibly once more.


It's no small gesture to open one's home to someone...no matter how much you care for them...I don't think I could do it. But the Many's are extraordinary people. And I am very lucky to benefit from their kindness. I hope to be able to thank them properly some day but I know they're not keeping tabs.

Where in the world is Marion Douglas??

For summer I've decided to bring back the cell phone picture journals. The rule is, the pictures have to be taken with my cell phone (which is now a Blackberry Curve rather than Pearl). The twist I'm adding is, you'll have to guess where I am based on the pictures posted. Hopefully this will force me to get out more cuz it'll be pretty boring if all the pictures are of my bedroom! The extra added bonus will be that one of the designated pictures will be a jumping off point to write a short story for anyone who wants to play....

Here we go...Where in the world is Marion Douglas? Post your guesses in the comment section.

Here's a hint: It's in Southern California.

And finally, below is your short story" jump start" photo. The idea is to go with the first thought the image evokes. GO!

I'd love to post your stories too. So send them to me at marion@dangerkittyfilms.com!

Spiritual VEETAVITAVEGAMIN

I'm not gonna lie.

Here I sat on December 30, 2008. I've been back from New York for a month and haven't really written. Oh, I've written a couple of blog posts - not particularly inspired - I've opened the script I started before I left in September. Written maybe 7 pages total. But I gotta tell you it's been a slog. I thought I'd come back and just churn out a draft before January 1.

I've done it before. I have the discipline, I have the drive, I have the desire...

NORMALLY.

But it seemed my 'get up and go' got up and went. I'm in urgent need of a transfusion, a large dose of Veetavitavegamin.

I need help. I'm like a dying Tinkerbell and I just need Peter Pan to rally the troops and BELIEVE in me so that I can do what I need and want to do. I need a SIGN, a blessing, a miracle. I want to have one of those writing experiences we hear about. Like when Kevin Williamson went to Palm Springs for a "sleepless weekend" and came out with Scream. I want one of those experiences where it's like I'm channeling...where the words just pour out of me through my fingers onto the keys and into my laptop. Where I don't eat, drink, sleep or pee for a week and come out looking like the Bride of Frankenstein holding a fucking script that SELLS!

Well, Cats and Kittens, it seems like I got my sign. Not exactly the fever dream explosion that results in a finished script...BUT a sure sign. Where did it come from?


My New Year's Eve Magic Mushroom Trip. I've done them before but not with a specific quest. All I can say is that it put everything into perspective. Everything. I can't imagine what more I could have learned if my Ego hadn't kept pulling me back to "reality". Our Ego is very invested in keeping us from connecting with our spirit. Spirit knows that EVERYTHING is possible. I mean it. Ego keeps us in line with rules and fear and "the way it is". It does this to protect us. It is the babysitter of the Spirit and trust me your Ego wants to shake your Spirit like a bad Nanny would. Spirit's purpose here on earth is to experience physical form.

We are all literally playing "The Game of Life." Scoff if you must. I've had this thought at various moments, unassisted by any drug but it was made clear to me last night. Thus Ego's stranglehold on us. Ego is playing Life to the death...Spirit is playing to increase it's score. Reincarnation is a player's re-entry into the game. I don't know which is worse. Going through an entire life never awakening - thinking that this life, this incarnation is the only one we've got. OR, waking up half way through and realizing you have been playing in a trance. Image waking up half way through The Amazing Race and realizing IT'S A RACE.

What last night's experience gave me was a calming, an understanding that refocused me on to the thrill of creating rather than the outcome. Again, I'm not gonna lie. I want that successful outcome. But now I can create without the paralyzing fear of failure.

I'm not being very articulate about the actual experience, I know. But that's private. The messages were profound and I don't feel like sharing them right now. All I can say is that I'm ready to do whatever it takes to 'Be Calm and Carry On.' I'll leave you with this succinct quote from Bill Hicks. If you don't know who he is, there's tons of his stuff on youtube. Or go to billhicks.com

“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.”

I'm going off to work on my script now. I'll keep you posted...















P.S. - My mind just boggled at the thought of the multitudes of people who are so disconnected from their Spirit that they're not even playing THIS game of Life. They're playing 'Second Life'....playing a game within a game. Now that's a trip!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let's play!