Bullying Part Trois: Smiling Eyes

Bullying is certainly not limited to kid on kid. Where do you think kids learn it from?

When I was in 3rd grade, I had a teacher named Miss Davis. She was a big brassy, bawdy broad with an Ethel Merman voice and I loved her. I also thought I was one of her favorite students. I did excellent work in her class because I wanted more than anything to please her.

Funny, I can't remember what started it. There was a group of us kids goofing off in some way that irked Miss Davis enough to punish us. So, during recess she marched the six of us over to the Four Square court and made us stand around the painted circle with our legs and arms spread. All around us life continued. Other kids were playing. Some were coming over to see what we were doing. She let them laugh and point at us before she chased them off. It was chilly. Granted, it was fall in Manhattan Beach, not Ohio - but it was foggy and cold and damp. The bell blessedly rang and we thought the punishment was over.

As the playground emptied and it got quiet, we continued to stand there. Our little arms and legs shaking from cold and the strain of our stance. Before she released us she asked us all to smile at her and apologize. One by one we did it. Me too. But she wouldn't let me go. "You're not smiling with your eyes, Marion." By this time I was shaking so badly, my teeth were chattering. But some of that shaking was from anger. I had apologized and smiled - with my mouth...met the criteria. But my eyes must have made her uneasy because in them she saw a soul that refused to be broken. So she made me stand out there, in the growing gloom, shivering and shaking. My lips were sticking to my teeth. I could see my house and the kitchen window and the silhouette of my mother...watching. Yes! My heart leapt. Any second I expected the front door to fly open and my mother to come to my rescue. But she didn't. She stood and watched. Like Betty Draper but without the cigarette. I wanted to give up but knew I'd die before I gave this bitch my smiling eyes.

Miss Davis finally gave in and let me go. My arms and legs felt heavy and wooden as I walked back into the classroom. I hated her after that.

When I came home my mother slapped me.

Sanctuary!

I don't know about you but it's very noisy and busy in my head most of the time. And I will have these lightening rounds of profundity when least expected! Here's what I'm talking about...

Thursday started out as a difficult day for me. FYI, I take care of my parents now...well, mostly my mother. My dad is still going strong but my mother is a problem child. We never had a good relationship and not that I think taking care of a parent you love is easier...but back in the day my mother was a bitch on wheels and she's still capable of going full throttle. That is balanced out by her treacly neediness when she's not doing so well. Bottom line, I never know which mother I'm going to get on any given day, hell any given hour. On Thursday it was Robobitch.

I decided it was a good day to do all my running around. Dry cleaners, CVS, Car Wash...I haven't actually gotten my car washed since March...waiting for the rain to stop...what?? Finances being what they are at the moment, I decided to go the gas station car wash. Not that there's anything wrong with that! Except the whole vacuuming and wiping it yourself part...again, what?? Did I mention that it was HOT? Somehow my thumbnail got torn and it's about this time that my demons kicked in and I was fleeing them like Courtney Cox in Scream!

The loop of my circumstances, the shaky state of the economy, the ridiculous state of our country, the thought that my mother will never die and that if things don't get better, I'm doomed to a pas de deux of death with her...like I said, demons.

I raced over to my friend's Chris and Nancy's house. If you know me, then you know what I'm talking about (They were the 11th Days of Christmas post). I had planned on going over there anyway. I do a lot of my best creative work over there. But I arrive hot, sweaty and desperate! But when I entered it was literally...aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. Their cleaning lady had just left and the house was quiet, clean and cool. Talk about an Exhale. I wandered out to the studio and found Chris working away. We chatted about my upcoming show for a bit and our banter sparked a couple of good ideas for me.

I fired up my MAC and wrote the opening of my new show! It was one of those experiences where you know something is working through you. I've often said I wanted one of those writing experiences where it all just pours out of me...and that's exactly what I got. I couldn't type fast enough! Then it left again. But it left me impressed and in awe. I continued to feel energized and was very productive creatively for the rest of the week...demons banished for now.

That's what I call a lightening round of profundity.

MERRY MOTHER'S DAY!

This was supposed to be a Christmas "gift" list that I never finished or published. But they are all still rightly deserved and some have had fabulous and/or unusual updates of their own since this was drafted in December 2008...so here's Christmas is May...


To Lucien, who just finally saw my post about his suspected gay-ness. He's not gay. He's metrosexual. He's a big, black metrosexual man, OK! PS - He has also finally been accepted into his union. Congrats Man! PPS - You are in good manly metrosexual company my friend (LL's pic came up in a google search for "metrosexual")








To Marius, who is human catnip. A steady supply of p**** cats. PS - OR the revelation of a true love that will fulfill you. Use your gift for GOOD not evil ;)










To Renee, who is an angel walking on earth. A lifetime of free wing cleanings. PS - And the renewed joy of nesting.






To Kirstie Alley who went public with her weight loss yearnings because she wanted one more go around on the sexy times track. Someone to fuck you till your eyes pop out, no matter what size you are girl! PS - Since she just went on Oprah, with all the weight back...this goes double now!







To Craig Ferguson who seems to be going quietly mad on late late night. "Saving Grace" is a brilliant movie. You are a funny, talented motherfucker and deserve a MUCH bigger audience. PS - Love the crackpot monkey puppet!




To Lizy, who knows what she REALLY wants but is afraid to go for it. GO FOR IT! PS - I actually don't know what's going on with my friend now. We have drifted apart. But still, whatever you really want, I hope you GO for it.







To H, who has always been exactly who he is. RECOGNITION!










To Arlene, who has a boy in every hood. TRUE LOVE .








To Suzanne, my craziest friend (YES) , MUCH MUCH more laughter and silliness. PS - The goodness you have given returned to you 10 fold.










To Danny, your Mojo back in more ways than one.









To Bianca, EVERYTHING that is your true heart's desire. At the snap of your fingers without any reversals, disappointments, heartaches or let downs.







Merry Mother's Day everyone.