Thursday, July 1, 2010

iFuck.There's an App for that!

By now, if you haven't heard that the new G4 iPhone is out...well you must be a survivalist who's already moved into your concrete bunker in the desert.

I have some techno geek friends - of the sort who stood in line for the new iPhone - who've been extolling the virtues of this latest version. The main feature everyone seems to be all 'atwitter' about is FaceTime. This app allows you to make video calls from your iPhone. Now, a lot of women, myself included aren't crazy about this because it becomes just one more event we need to apply make up for. I mean seriously, think about every time you have a phone conversation while not completely pulled together. The party on the other end doesn't know this...because they can't see you.

But there's that commercial, currently in heavy rotation that pulls on our heartstrings. It features the deaf couple signing tenderly to each other via FaceTime. "Awwwww!" we all coo in unison. I mean if there's one thing to validate this app, it's the cool realization that FaceTime will allow the deaf to talk on the phone for the first time (Skype on your computer notwithstanding).

The other side of this warm and fuzzy coin is sex. Are you with me? FaceTime will surely revolutionize America's other favorite pastime! But with that also comes the They can SEE you factor. Now indulge me again please and think about every time you've had phone would knowing that the party on the other end could see you effect that? Come on! It's gonna curtail the activity, right? The question "what are you wearing?"... out the window.

And what will that do to the phone sex industry?? It's going to put thousands of fat, slovenly phone sex operators out of business, that's what! Because even if we all know the stories about what's really on the other end of that phone transaction, our brain is fooled by the voice. The voice creates the picture and carries us away. So, what's a unsightly troll to do? Well, if there's not already an app being developed for this, there should be...I'm not well versed in the how but the end result will translate this...

into this...

iFuck. There's an app for that!

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