Fear and the Art of the Mass Email Forward

Early this morning, there was some idiot construction worker on the street in front of my building WHISTLING like he's rounding up lil doggies. Seriously, I had to get up out of bed to look out the window - just in case the great North American Cattle Drive was making it's way down my street. Instead, there was just a guy in a yellow hard hat whistling at cranes and a cement mixer! Thankfully, I think they're all safely in their corral now.

Next up, turn on the computer to read latest emails. And I found this little nugget:

"I am NOT the only one who feels "uneasy" about what all is taking place on our soil -n- abroad... not to mention what's coming "at us" around that blind curve. Buckle Up, it is going to be a rough ride.."

Now, granted, this is an email from a woman I have purchased mosaic tile from in the past. She lives somewhere in Vermont or Rhode Island and her mass forwards are usually...who am I kidding. I usually never read them. BUT, I assumed (because she sells mosaic tile??) that she was a peaceful, crunchy granola, lesbian granny. Let's continue...

"I thought you'd find this interesting if you haven't gotten it already. It is interesting I am getting these from people I would not expect, which I take to mean there is a lot of unrest out there just waiting to break free. I thank the person who made a list of these incidents-it really makes it SO obvious where the problem lies! But we have become such a wimpy country in so many ways... Maybe internet unrest will create the change we need this year. If not, I fear for the future. "


Yeah, internet unrest. That's the ticket! Read on...

" I STRONGLY URGE each one of you to repost this as many times as you can! Each opportunity that you have to send it to a friend or media outlet...do it! A lot of Americans have become so insulated from reality that they imagine that America can suffer defeat without any inconvenience to themselves. Pause a moment, reflect back. These events are actual events from history. They really happened!!! Do you remember?
1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40.
2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40
4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40. 7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens , and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
8. In 1988 , Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya an d Tanzania were bombed by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take down the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by Muslim male extremists between the of 17 and 40.
12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by-- you guessed it-- Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
No, I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people...Absolutely No Profiling! They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winner and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest they be guilty of profiling."

Yikes! BTW, I believe the target demographic of Muslim extremists IS male, between the ages of 17 and 40. Their mothers won't allow them to be out past 10PM before they're 17 and they usually explode before turning 40. But I digress...

"According to The Book of Revelations: The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, he will destroy everything. And Now: For the award winning Act of Stupidity of all times the People of America want to elect, to the most Powerful position on the face of the Planet --The Presidency of the United states of America A Muslim-Male Extremist-Between the ages of 17 and 40. Have the American People completely lost their Minds, or just their Power of Reason ??? I'm sorry but I refuse to take a chance on the 'unknown' candidate - Obama... Let's send this to as many people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds and other stupid attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel ashamed of themselves -- if they have any such sense. As the writer of the award winning story 'Forrest Gump' so aptly put it, 'Stupid Is As Stupid Does.' -"

What the????? I thought Britney was the Antichrist! Evidently the American people, or at least the ones passing this trash around HAVE lost their minds. What's scary about this is that it's getting passed around by seemingly nice, normal folks. Grandmothers for God sake! It's such an obvious right wing ploy too. Well, why wouldn't they keep pushing the fear button? It keeps working!! Fear and apparently the Nigerian email scam works every time! (Oh, and let's not leave out the UK Lottery email scam. If you didn't enter the UK lottery, you CAN'T possibly have won!) I guess that's the crux right there. With so many gullible people it's child's play to manipulate the masses into emailing themselves into another 4 years of shit.

Finally, I love the use of the Forrest Gump quote which so deliciously turns itself on the very participants of this ridiculous smear campaign. Stupid really IS as Stupid does!