Welcome to the House of DangerKitty

OK, I'm tripping a little bit right now but with good reason!

In the past 4 days I have cranked out ONE brand new website from scratch. Check.
Retooled TWO websites basically from the ground floor. Check. Granted, with modern technology and a MAC it's ridiculously easy...I mean come on, I did it! But on the other hand. I DID IT!

Allow me to introduce:

Bitchcraft Radio. The new home of BITCHCRAFT! It's a podcast which will feature the funniest people I know as Guest Bitches...They're not ALL famous.

This site will also house news about the latest dates and goings on for my One Woman Show. It's evolving as we speak and those who have already been will be able to say "I remember when." I'm uber excited about my show in Santa Barbara. I'll be revealing more as details firm up.

DangerKitty Films is me. If you saw me on the street and shouted "Danger Kitty!" at me, I'd respond! And everyone else who is using that moniker should DIE!

This site is all about my film life: past, present and future. I am soooo proud of how this site turned out. It gives me joy just to click on it.

And if you're reading this of course you've seen the gorgeous new look of my blog.

How amazing is it? Am I? Come ON! I am WIZARD.

Size DOES matter!

I just finished retooling my blog site and added a gadget that assembles all of your tags. I did it in the "cloud" formation - self explanatory if you look to your right. Then I noticed that the more frequently a word is used the bigger it appears in the cloud. Let's peruse my tags shall we?

create
depression
friend
fun
funny
happiness
joy
laughter
love
peaceful
Plenty of Fish
Romantic Comedy
sex
unemployment
While You Were Sleeping
writing
yoga

I'm suspicious of the formula now because I'm pretty sure I've only ever mentioned "While You were Sleeping" once...and while it's a pretty fantastic post, does it warrant standing out in my cloud of words? What strikes me the most, in scrolling down the list...it looks like shorthand for a life lived, don't you think?

PS - This post was mostly an excuse to get you to check out my groovy new look. I hope you like it as much as I do!

Holding out for a Hero

I just started reading "Wicked Lovely" by Melissa Marr. A story about "Faery intrigue, mortal love and the clash of ancient rules and modern expectations". And of course the girl has a friend who is a rogue, a man who lives on the outside of society but who is fiercely loyal and protective of her. A man, who although a player, is sweet and sensitive and so perceptively tuned in to her that he and only he can penetrate her inscrutability and help her with her tortured secret. This is the why we women adore these stories. It's why the Twilight series (in all it's maudlin longing) and probobly every romance novel ever written are so popular with women. Because we all want that man. We all want that sense of having rare and cherished access to a creature considered either dangerous or unattainable by all others. And the feeling that we get when such a creature shelters us in his arms. We want Heathcliff, we want Edward (well I don't), we want Rhett, Sawyer...we want to hear "Stay alive whatever the cost, I will find you!" or "I have crossed oceans of time to find you".

I was compelled to write this in the middle of my reading the first chapter because a deep sadness overcame me and I needed to explore why. I have been fortunate or unfortunate enough (depends who you ask) to have experienced this sort of grand romance. It's what's spoiled me for all others. It's why I know that Plenty of Fish or any other dating site isn't going to work for me. Because even now, with the wisdom of past experience, I'd still rather take all the bad that comes with this kind of good than settle for hum drum. And make no mistake about it, most men are hum drum to me. And I tried hum drum, even married hum drum once. His hum drum-ness didn't grow on me, it grew into contempt. I didn't just want to divorce him...I wanted to kill him.

Bonnie Tyler said it best

I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero 'till the end of the night
He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero 'till the morning light
He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life

Sigh.

A Pearl Revealed

Ok, I had to share this with you. As I'm driving home I go into one of my good meditative states and I'm feeling happy because something I created made someone laugh. Then that caused me to have a "This is your life!" moment about what experience had brought me to this point creatively.



Here's the Reader's Digest version. At the end of 2007, I was approached by a former colleague and friend. He had somehow latched on to some money guy in Utah and wanted to make a documentary that followed the Hillary Clinton campaign around before and up to her presumed election. He offered me the opportunity to direct it. And of course I said yes. I had just finished working my a** off on another challenging indie picture with shaky money and drama galore, so I was ready to jump into this. As we discussed it I began shaping it and making it mine. I wanted to explore how women, across the country, felt about power at this zenith period in time when we were fully expecting to have the first woman president. That's heady stuff. And as secretly afraid as I was to take this challenge on, I knew I could do it and that it could be really cool.

There was much talk about buying a winnebago filled with gadgets and having a driver. But even as the production package kept getting downgraded, I became more determined to do it no matter what. When we purchased the camera package and the Macbook Pro it was surreal... I know my way around a film set. I have an eye for setting up shots and good editing instincts but I had never done any of those things first hand. I had overseen. But when you are first confronted with equipment like that...the shit gets real, as they say. Like the first time I held a gun. So off we went on our grand adventure for what was supposed to be eight months. We got some amazing stuff on our first leg.

But in February the unexpected happened. Obama. Suddenly our investor didn't think it was such a slam dunk anymore. He and eventually my "friend" both wanted to pull the plug if Hillary didn't get the candidacy. It didn't end well. They owed me money but I had the equipment and the computer and all of the footage. At the time I was very discouraged and thinking "there goes my Sisyphean boulder again". But I realized this evening that they gave me a fantastic gift. Aside from the obvious monetary value. By ending up with that equipment and this computer, I was given the tools to spread my creative wings. Like I said, I had never been hands on with my creativity. I still had the studio mentality because that's where I started. So I never acknowledged the artist in me. But that forces you to be dependent on others to realize your vision...

I had to sell the bigger cameras and the equipment but ended up with a sweet little HD camera and my awesome MAC. Gradually I started really getting into working with imovie and Final Cut Pro and creating and shooting little videos for my one woman show and a bunch of other projects. And each time I'd be pushing myself to stretch further, learn more about these powerful tools at my fingertips! I'm eager to learn more and be able to express my vision in a visual medium as opposed to only on the pages of a script. I can spend endless hours editing or creating podcasts and websites. I never thought I'd be that person and now it seems as though that's who I was all along.

So, I recognize the gift. The pearl in the oyster, if you will. Thanks!

Sanctuary!

I don't know about you but it's very noisy and busy in my head most of the time. And I will have these lightening rounds of profundity when least expected! Here's what I'm talking about...

Thursday started out as a difficult day for me. FYI, I take care of my parents now...well, mostly my mother. My dad is still going strong but my mother is a problem child. We never had a good relationship and not that I think taking care of a parent you love is easier...but back in the day my mother was a bitch on wheels and she's still capable of going full throttle. That is balanced out by her treacly neediness when she's not doing so well. Bottom line, I never know which mother I'm going to get on any given day, hell any given hour. On Thursday it was Robobitch.

I decided it was a good day to do all my running around. Dry cleaners, CVS, Car Wash...I haven't actually gotten my car washed since March...waiting for the rain to stop...what?? Finances being what they are at the moment, I decided to go the gas station car wash. Not that there's anything wrong with that! Except the whole vacuuming and wiping it yourself part...again, what?? Did I mention that it was HOT? Somehow my thumbnail got torn and it's about this time that my demons kicked in and I was fleeing them like Courtney Cox in Scream!

The loop of my circumstances, the shaky state of the economy, the ridiculous state of our country, the thought that my mother will never die and that if things don't get better, I'm doomed to a pas de deux of death with her...like I said, demons.

I raced over to my friend's Chris and Nancy's house. If you know me, then you know what I'm talking about (They were the 11th Days of Christmas post). I had planned on going over there anyway. I do a lot of my best creative work over there. But I arrive hot, sweaty and desperate! But when I entered it was literally...aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. Their cleaning lady had just left and the house was quiet, clean and cool. Talk about an Exhale. I wandered out to the studio and found Chris working away. We chatted about my upcoming show for a bit and our banter sparked a couple of good ideas for me.

I fired up my MAC and wrote the opening of my new show! It was one of those experiences where you know something is working through you. I've often said I wanted one of those writing experiences where it all just pours out of me...and that's exactly what I got. I couldn't type fast enough! Then it left again. But it left me impressed and in awe. I continued to feel energized and was very productive creatively for the rest of the week...demons banished for now.

That's what I call a lightening round of profundity.

No Photos Please!

We think we're aware of what we look like. After all we see our reflections a myriad of times throughout every day. Right? Then why are photos always such a shock? For me at least. Oh, I get that the camera adds 10 pounds but does it add turkey waddle to your neck?? I ask you?

No wonder many indigenous tribes believe that the camera steals your soul. Because when your soul sees those pictures of you from that party, it packs it's bag and leaves! Don't you always (or often) feel beautiful when you know you've pulled it all together? We're all aware of our flaws and have learned to work with them. So we do our make up meticulously. We dress consciously. We LOOK in the mirror and are happy or at least satisfied with the outcome.

I attended a reunion dinner this past weekend. Old friends from high school. We were all in theater (or as we call it, Drama) together and have stayed in touch to some degree or other through the years. These people are perhaps the most important people in my life...children aside. I felt beautiful that night. And when everyone tells you that you look beautiful and you also feel beautiful, it really affects how you feel. I thought we all looked beautiful and that time has been generous to all of us. We had a fabulous evening. It was like no time at all had passed. Our spirits reveled in each other's company and we played and laughed all night...I went home at 4:30AM feeling like Cinderella. But you know how that ends.

The coach turns back into a pumpkin. Or in my case...the pictures get posted on Facebook. The horror!!!!! How much better would it be if one never had to be confronted with the "reality" of our human condition. Instead of now still basking in the glory of how beautiful everyone said I looked, I'm stuck in that well worn groove of hating that the photos don't match the story. I know we're supposed to evolve past that. But I'm just not zen enough...nor apparently is most of society given how many cosmetic procedures are done in this country alone. Sigh. All I can do is un-tag myself from the worst pictures posted and do damage control via Photoshop to the ones I have control over. And work on my plan to afford that extreme makeover.

(l to r) Chuck, Teru, Brad, Me, James, Betsy and Mr. Boyd (our drama teacher) in front

PS - Baby Steps Yoga is going well. Didn't practice it every day over the long weekend though. As for Baby Steps Dating. Ugh. Plenty of Fish? Not so much? To paraphrase Groucho Marx, I don't really want to date the people who want to date me.