The Definition of CRACKER...just so you know

You know the old saying "Me thinks thou dost protest too much? Well, yesterday there was a lot of hubbub about Congressman Joe Wilson's rude and disrespectful disruption of President Obama's speech regarding the health care reform initiative. A long time friend of mine had posted something about him on her Facebook page about it and I commented "Yeah, he's a cracker douche." Later in the day, I started getting FB notifications of comments related to my comment. Apparently this commenter is a relative of hers. My condolences, honey. She has since taken the exchange down, but my email still had copies. =D

These are his comments, verbatim.

"How ignorant..CRACKER DOUCHE? This country will never move forward because of PEOPLE LIKE YOU!! Have some decency, that Congressman was wrong for speaking out in that manner I will give you that, however by using that type of racial slur, it makes you no better. The man is passionate just like you are. Educate yourself on the real issues here, and think before you use racial slurs to hide behind your own ignorance. I'm actually ashamed that (friends name here) would even associate with someone like you."


"Casual comments do not include the term "cracker". Why does it always have to be about race anyway? Can't you just speak your mind without bringing race into it? Or do you not have the intelligence?"


"And Marion again, why does it have to be about race? You actually believe Joe Wilson spoke out just because the president is black? As long as people like you make these types of accusations and make excuses, we will never move forward together. Finally, I do associate the "N" word with cracker. They are both racial slurs and should never be used to describe ethnicity."


Oh no motherfucker, not today!

(Rep. Joe Wilson, R, SC)

Unfortunately, my brilliant, erudite response (=D) is erased from FB and since I don't get email copies of things I post via Blackberry, I'll try to reiterate. My point was, that having spent quite a bit of time in South Carolina and knowing much of it's history and the entitlement of such white men as Joe Wilson - who's families have lived there for generations and who still display the Confederate flag (albeit, no longer atop the capitol building where it fluttered for years despite public outrage and attempts to have it taken down) - it's clear to me, as it was to millions of Americans that evening, that Wilson thought nothing of calling President Obama a liar in Congress with the nation watching. It's a deeply ingrained disrespect born of generations of racism. And that needs to be called out. I also know a whole lot of really good people from the south. People who would never think to act in such a disrespectful was toward a sitting President. But that's not who Joe Wilson is.


Now, back to my Facebook attacker. He truly believes that calling someone a cracker is the equivelant to calling someone a N****r. I looked up the definition of cracker, so let's see...

CRACKER n

1. general. One who or that which cracks (in any of the senses of the vb.).

1842 DICKENS Amer. Notes (1850) 14/1 A teller of anecdotes and cracker of jokes. (OED)

2. esp. A boaster, braggart; a liar. A Celtic word meaning a loudmouth. (Tonyan)

1766 G. COCHRANE Let. 27 June (D.A.), I should explain to your Lordship what is meant by crackers; a name they have got from being great boasters; they are a lawless set of rascalls on the frontiers of Virginia, Maryland, the Carolinas and Georgia.

3. [ l7C – early 20C] familiar or colloq. An enormous lie. ( Farmer, 201) A very tall story. (Partridge, 264)

1871 Daily News 24 July, Learning to tell lies, and call them ‘crackers’. (OED)

4. [late l7C-l8C] the backside. (Green, p.283) the anus or buttocks (Spears, 88; 1811)

5. Cracker U.S. A poor white Southern person ( also "rustic", "countrified", "backwoods"

(Cassidy, 825) "uneducated"(Major,119), "low-down’(Rowan,99) and "white trash." ) The area of Southeast Georgia, and North Central Florida are most closely associated with word. (Hill 223)

Also attrib.

Corn-cracker also refers to one who cracks corn to make grits or cornmeal, corn being a principal ingredient of the diet of backwoodmen (Presley) and poor whites linked to certain regions of Georgia and Florida. After the Civil War, many were too poor to buy corn meal and had no choice but to make their own. (Hendrickson, 76). Corn-cracker is first atttested to only in 1835. (Wordorigins).

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This definition involves the whip, its pieces, its sound and those who used the whip. One theory is that cracker was coined by black people in reference to the whip-cracking during enslavement; by extension any white person. (Smitherman,100)

6. An attachment to the end of a whip-lash such as a piece of buckskin by which a cracking sound can be produced. Wentworth, 85).

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7.. [ l7C – 19C] Crust, sea biscuit, or ammunition loaf. A thin hard biscuit. (Now chiefly in U.S.) Interestingly, the word cracker in reference to white people by Blacks is possibly derived from association with the whiteness of soda crackers. (Talkin 252) as opposed to ginger cookies. (Juba 119)

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This definition of cracker is the racially charged one and is best understood after carefully considering all previous definitions as to how it evolved.

8. Cracker is also a Black name for whites, especially those thought to be racists. (Allen 50)

1932. Stribling Store 473 AL, "We would do very well with white folks if it weren’t for these miserable crackers", declared the tan girl passionately. (Cassidy 826)

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So, Mr. Facebook Attacker Man, anyone who would protest, so vehemently, my usage of the word in relation to Congressman Wilson or any of his ilk, protesteth too much in my book.

On the bright side for me...if I'm pissing these kinds of people off, I must be doing something right!!! And that's what's crackalackin'!

The Show Glow - Tales of Bitchcraft!

Thought I'd share some photos from the actual show, both behind the scenes and on stage. Behind the scenes there are always obstacles to overcome. The timeline and countdown to curtain inevitably gets screwed up. Or maybe that's just waht happens when you have no rehearsal time in the actual space. One of our big snafus that night was learning that the theater's address was wrong on the invitations! How did we find this out? By the deluge of calls to my mobile 30 minutes before showtime! Argh! Luckily, everyone did end up finding the place but it shook up my pre show calm to say the least. Do you think Celine Dion has these problems?

It was at this point that we broke out the booze. Not that we wouldn't have in any case. I would never have had a drink or a "smoke" before a theater performance, but this is a retro kind of variety show a la Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr. We don't just drink, we "drank"!

So, we're down to the wire and the ladies are doing their "last looks"

I know I'm going to have to arm wrestle Monique to get this wig back. It looks great on her and she wants to wear it everywhere!

Heidi has fortified herself with enough wine to go out and do something she's never done before. Stand up!

There was a little drama when my daughter Bianca arrived. She had agreed to run the sound and light board for the show without learning that this meant being in the booth the entire night. She got a little upset about that because she really wanted to sit in the audience and watch me. As the producer and star of the show, this made me both frustrated and a little mad, because if she had just been willing to hear the whole spiel, we could have avoided this pre show kerfuffle. As her mother, it made my heart tighten up and made me want to cry. No body puts baby in a corner! Sigh. Ultimately, I broke the fourth wall with the audience and started my performance by going over and opening the booth window, introducing her to the audience and telling everyone that she'd be watching the show from there. She was kind of embarrassed but it played really well and baby got to not only watch the show but interact with it. I love her. She is my Tim Gunn. I always know if I'm on the right track if she likes what I'm doing and therefore, I will always want to make her happy, even when it's a pain in my ass.

Here's the screen in the darkened theater right before the video began to play at 8PM sharp. Several people came late. To a live show. After the video had played. They're pictures were taken and I called them out...all in good fun, but seriously people. Live theater. Is not a movie you can walk in on 10 minutes late. And a movie won't call your ass out. I will. It's part of the show. What about the title "Bitchcraft! did you not understand?

Once everyone got settled in, things went very smoothly from there. I had fun with it. I took a few picture sof the audience. Well, only two and you can't really tell what they are. After that I forgot how the camera worked and that was that.

Heidi Popp came on next and read from her journals, basically about all of her failed romances in L.A. Hey, if you live in L.A. then you know all about them. Guys come and go, but the material lasts forever. Go Heidi!

Next up was Monique Edwards, who is a film and television actress but had never appeared as a singer before this night. She has an amazing voice and a great big persona that belongs in this kind of arena. She should be preparing a dinner theater show as we speak and getting booked all over the world. And she should buy a wig just like this one. Seriously. The all over effect was perfection. Sell it sistah!

Then it was time for my last set. During this part of the show, I take topics that the audience has written down before the show and give my opinion on them. Unrehearsed. This is my favorite part of the show. Some of the topics that night were: Orgies, Religion, Global Warming, Spanx Underwear, Girls Who Squirt, President Obama and The Law of Attraction. I chose not to address Spanx but whoever wrote that suggestion gets the last laugh, because I chose not to wear my Spanx that night. It was too hot and I wanted to be comfortable. Seeing the tape and the photos, I see that instead of being uncomfortable I was assy. Live and learn. You can bet I'll be Spanxed up when I play the Apollo!

FInally, I want to share the faux tabloid cover I created for the end of the "She's A Bitch, Now" video. I'm so jazzed at how good it looks, I just wanted it to live here where more people might see it and read it. I love it!

The Aggro of Creative Birth, Part 2: Congratultions, it's a Show!

Or should I say the Aggro and the Ecstasy? Because there is ecstasy involved when things you've imagined in your head draw together from small particles of energy and solidify before your eyes. Bitchcraft!, my first live comedy show since October of 2007 has come and gone. And it has evolved. Not yet perfectly formed but definitely took some big steps forward toward becoming my imagining.

(l to r: M. Edwards, M. Bolstad, M. Douglas, H. Popp)

I always envisioned a show that mixed mediums and media. Comedy, music, dancing, art, film. On Saturday night I opened the show with the video you can watch below if you're inclined in any way. The concept began with a spoof song title. The Commodores "Brick House" became "She's a Bitch, Now!" The song was recorded and then I came up with a concept for the video. The video was shot over a weekend and then it took me four weeks to edit four minutes worth of video! We are talking a steep, steep learning curve. Now I had my video to open my show with. I'm working with a zero budget at the moment and through the kindness of friends was able to secure a theater with a projection system. Unfortunately, I didn't find out until we finally had access to the stage that the projection screen would not lower and raise electronically but rather with a hand crank...so my vision of striding unto the stage, riding the wave of applause after the video were somewhat crushed during the much too long interval of completely blacked out hand cranking, interspersed with audience tittering and coughing...sigh.

(taking a look at Maureen's camera work)

But nonetheless, I grew the show exponentially. I added guest performers, who also appear in the video with me. I also wrote material for myself for the first time. Normally I do what I like to call Improv Stand Up. Meaning, I quip my way through audience suggested topics on the spot. This is still a big part of the show and was ultimately born out of my never having had time to write myself comedy material. It seems hair raising to most but for me that is fun! Delivering written material is what's scares the crap out of me! So, as a result of spending much too much time editing the video that would amount to four minutes of the show, I short changed myself on the honing of my material. And I was beating myself but good over it.

Between producing every element to hand holding my guest performers to stressing over the hand crank, I had beaten every last bit of fun out of it for me. I was sitting in the dressing room 30 minutes before show time and was just pissed off. Then, my inner voice just said "fuck it!" and I made the decision to go out there and just be real about it. For $5 our audience was getting free liquor, donut holes and a pretty damn entertaining show. And the experience of being a part of something that is still forming, still growing, still evolving. They got to be a part of the birthing process. And I give big, huge, donkey dick gratitude to each and every person who came and paid and enjoyed (many for the 2nd or 3rd time). Because they are encouraging me to keep the baby alive! It may not be fully formed yet. It may have a harelip but it's still a living part of me and someday, in the non too distant future, we'll raise enough money to get that baby's harelip fixed and I hope that everyone who has helped nurture and raise it, will be there to see it's perfect smile!

Click here to watch "She's A Bitch, Now!"

The Aggro of Creative Birth!

The reason I haven't posted anything new since MJ died is because I've been prepping a live comedy show while still looking for employment. As I approach the 10 month mark (!) I wonder if I'll ever work again. But when the going gets tough, what do the tough do? COMEDY!

I recently read this joke: In Italy, a very depressed man goes to see his doctor. "I am so very depressed doctor, I'm afraid I may kill myself. What should I do?" The doctor replies thoughtfully and without hesitation "There is a great clown, a famous entertainer named Pagliacci. He makes all of the people laugh and forget their troubles. Go and see him without hesitation." The depressed man smiles sadly "But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci."

While writing can be lonely and isolating, it is a sublime form of creative birth. One where you have all of the control and where the only limits to your creation are in your own imagination. Physical creation is always fraught with aggravation, I find. Limitations challenge you at every turn. Finances, technical ability, time, depending on others...all become a melange of brain splitting stress. Or maybe it's just me. Everyone says "Just enjoy the process. Stop focusing on the problems. You're thwarting your own good!" And to them I say "Go fucking create something and get back to me." In my experience, whether it's a little 3 minute video, a live show, a $4 million or $34 million movie, there will be blood. And we should have the right to be frustrated and vent about it, right? I questioned myself the other day. Maybe this means I don't love it? They say if you do something you love, success will come? Um, this is Hollywood. That's not the rule. You have to REALLY want it and be willing to do and put up with whatever comes to get it. And then...you still might not. There are more people actively hating on you and secretly wishing that you fail than there are those supporting you. Katt Williams says we should welcome the haters but I don't need their bad juju added into the soup of my own negativity. I'm becoming so superstitious in my advancing age that the thought of someone sitting in the theater who doesn't wish me well is tantamount to giving me the "evil eye!"

But I DO love it. I've been putting on shows and creating worlds and stories and people since I can remember. We love our children but they still can frustrate us, break our hearts and make us curse them at times. I guess I have to make my peace with that and keep creating.

I leave you with this thought: Who can Pagliacci turn to?