The reason I haven't posted anything new since MJ died is because I've been prepping a live comedy show while still looking for employment. As I approach the 10 month mark (!) I wonder if I'll ever work again. But when the going gets tough, what do the tough do? COMEDY!
I recently read this joke: In Italy, a very depressed man goes to see his doctor. "I am so very depressed doctor, I'm afraid I may kill myself. What should I do?" The doctor replies thoughtfully and without hesitation "There is a great clown, a famous entertainer named Pagliacci. He makes all of the people laugh and forget their troubles. Go and see him without hesitation." The depressed man smiles sadly "But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci."
While writing can be lonely and isolating, it is a sublime form of creative birth. One where you have all of the control and where the only limits to your creation are in your own imagination. Physical creation is always fraught with aggravation, I find. Limitations challenge you at every turn. Finances, technical ability, time, depending on others...all become a melange of brain splitting stress. Or maybe it's just me. Everyone says "Just enjoy the process. Stop focusing on the problems. You're thwarting your own good!" And to them I say "Go fucking create something and get back to me." In my experience, whether it's a little 3 minute video, a live show, a $4 million or $34 million movie, there will be blood. And we should have the right to be frustrated and vent about it, right? I questioned myself the other day. Maybe this means I don't love it? They say if you do something you love, success will come? Um, this is Hollywood. That's not the rule. You have to REALLY want it and be willing to do and put up with whatever comes to get it. And then...you still might not. There are more people actively hating on you and secretly wishing that you fail than there are those supporting you. Katt Williams says we should welcome the haters but I don't need their bad juju added into the soup of my own negativity. I'm becoming so superstitious in my advancing age that the thought of someone sitting in the theater who doesn't wish me well is tantamount to giving me the "evil eye!"
But I DO love it. I've been putting on shows and creating worlds and stories and people since I can remember. We love our children but they still can frustrate us, break our hearts and make us curse them at times. I guess I have to make my peace with that and keep creating.
I leave you with this thought: Who can Pagliacci turn to?