Louie Louie!

I already loved Louis CK. Have been hip to his genius writing for years and a fan of his comedy. His new eponymously named show on FX is a twisted delight to watch. It's raw, it's poignant, it's sly and it's sharply funny. The latest episode "Bully" has him being bullied by a high school jock in front of his date. Louie is humiliated by being forced to beg not to have his ass kicked in front of her. Afterwards, his date admits that this was a turn off for her even though, logically she knows Louie did the right thing.

Louie follows the bully home, all the way to Staten Island with the intent to talk to the bully's parents. We, of course get to see how and why the bully became a bully when his dad starts berating and hitting him. Meanwhile, Louie is chased out of the house by the equally violent mother, who takes offense to Louie's suggestion that they curb hitting their kids. The bully's dad comes out after Louie and you tense up in anticipation of what comes next...and here's the beauty of Louie...what comes next is totally unexpected. The two men share a smoke and a conversation about their respective fatherhoods and we learn that the bully dad became a dad at 20. At 20 we are still kids ourselves and the parenting we do is copied from what we know...Get it?

When my daughter was four, she used to hate having her hair washed. Baths were no fun - for either one of us. One evening, during the bath time war, I slapped her. And it reverberated like fireworks in my brain. It wasn't the first time I had hit her. Up until that point it had been smacks on the butt or hand but I also used the threat of spanking often. I was aping what I myself had experienced. But that evening...sitting on the floor of the bathroom, soaked from all the splashing, with my daughters cries echoing off the tiles...I just stopped. My spirit overrode my ego and my mind and said "no more." In that instant I realized that physical punishment was not something I wanted to perpetrate on my little girl. It doesn't work and the "punishments" always have to escalate to meet the ever increasing resistance.

My mother was the punisher in our house. I only ever remember my dad laying hands on me once. Not that he didn't react out of anger in other ways, like throwing a plate of spaghetti at the wall...but my battles with my mother were epic. She would come after me with whatever she could get her hands on and could inflict the most damage with. Her weapon of choice? Wooden cooking ladles, although she whipped a mean extension cord too. That went on until I was sixteen and one day just grabbed her wrists hard and said NO MORE. Those childhood experiences of violence at the hand of a parent - someone who loves us - are the foundation of how we love and parent as adults. You might think this sounds kind of psycho-babbly but it's true. Evidenced by the plethora of spanking/paddling porn.

That evening in the bathroom, I broke the cycle of violent parenting. I know there are a lot of kids out there who need tough parenting but that doesn't need to include corporal punishment.

Enough about me, back to Louie. A fantastic episode with a great message delivered in a clever way. Sometimes a spoonful of funny makes the medicine go down.

Rock on Louis C.K.!

Homeless, jobless, clueless Santa looking for Pamela Anderson circa 1987

If I need to be up and out early, I listen to Mark & Brian on KLOS while I'm getting ready and driving. They often act as a defacto clearing house for listeners who want to find dates, so it wasn't out of the ordinary when this gentleman called in today. He described himself as a disabled vet, 60, tall, white hair and long white beard. So far, not bad right? If you're looking for that...although I was really curious as to what his disability was. Then he said he'd lost his house three years ago and has been "bouncing around from place to place" ever since. They asked him what happened with the last place he was at. "Let's not get into that here" was his red flagging answer. OK, so basically an old homeless dude with Santa hair...do go on! They asked him if he has a job and he replied that he has an ebay store. OK, good....but wait...they asked if that was doing well for him (um, hellooo...homeless) and he said "it was pretty good while I had an internet connection.

Now for the good part. They asked this homeless, jobless, nebulously disabled vet what he was looking for in a woman...here's his check list:

Between 5'5" and 5'8" tall

"A nice rack" and good looking

Preferably blonde and blue eyed

Trim and fit - "No fatties"

Knows how to take care of her man

Has her own home and makes a good living

Likes to party with elves (kidding)

I prayed that no women would actually call in. I prayed hard. Please God, don't let some stupid woman call in and offer to take this deluded kook in. Thankfully, my prayer was answered...at least for today. They usually do follow ups on these date situations so I hope my head doesn't have to explode on Monday when they play the dating game with Santa and the clueless potential Mrs. Clauses. Reindeer not included.

Happy Friday!

Just Say NO to Naugahyde: Save the Sportsman's Lodge

A quote from Wikpedia - "In 2007, the Sportsmen's Lodge was sold to developer Richard Weintraub for approximately $50 million. Weintraub reportedly plans to renovate the existing hotel and add retail space. The project would retain the Sportsmen's Lodge name, and would be renovated "to evoke the mid-century cool" of the San Fernando Valley in the 1950s."

Dear Mr. Weintraub, you have failed miserably. Did you run out of money? WTF? I paid my first visit since the "renovation" and found few changes except for some notably annoying ones. Sportsman's Lodge always had this kitschy cool. It was super low key. You could slide in and out of the place on the DL. There were always old time Hollywood guys hanging out in the bar or coffee shop that could regale you with stories about working with Tom Mix, John Wayne and Bette Davis. Pretty much every big touring music act bunks there. And tourists flock there in droves because while it still had authentic Hollywood cache it was affordable for families to stay. And you haven't lived if you haven't been there during a "Super Soap Weekend."

The Pool Bar is my favorite. There's nothing better than pulling up a stool in the summer and whiling away the afternoon. The bartenders are Tarantino worthy and the drinks strong and affordable. When I sit down at that bar...all is right with the world.

I was excited when I first heard of Weintraub's plans. I think the place is a goldmine and with the right touches could become even more so. But all that's been done since 2007 is a moderate renovation in the lobby. Some white Naugahyde sofas and retro light fixtures. Carpet? Still the same. Bathrooms? Still the same. The website shows photos of an updated guest room but the majority of them are still exactly the same. My guess is the redecorated ones are sporting west side price tags too. The Cafe got a minor 50's-esque makeover but the menu is still exactly the same. I get that you spent $50 million to acquire the place, Mr. Weintraub, but do you think that warrants the "security changes" you've instituted? I pulled up to the back gate - my entrance of choice - only to find you now need a key card to enter. Pulled around to the side - figuring I'd come in through the cafe. Also locked. "Non Hotel guests must enter through lobby." At this point I'm vexed but curious to see all of the changes that this type of "security" trumpets. I enter through the lobby and am confronted by the hyper self conscious whiteness. I notice the carpet being the same as well as the reception desk but I'm still feeling receptive. As I walk toward the pool, I notice that two walls have been patched but not painted. Why on earth would you spend $50 million on something and then not have the resources or perhaps the will (??) to follow through? I just don't get this kind of mediocre bullshit. I see it in the movie business too. Johnny-Come-Lately "producers" with some cash who think they're buying into the pussy train and then lose their appetite when it comes to the nuts and bolts of actually finishing a project.

Out at the pool, everything looks exactly the same, which is at once comforting and perplexing. I notice all the gates to the pool are locked too. The bartender chick lets me in. As soon as I sit on my favorite stool and get my first Bay Breeze, I exhale. Perfect summer jams on the sound system? Check. Old hairy guy in the pool? Check. Kids eating chicken fingers on the other side of the bar? Check. Over tanned pot-bellied roadies on deck chairs? Check. Ahhhhhhh. Home. The bartender tells me that they expect non hotel guests to pay for entry to the pool bar now but she's not outing me. She is disgruntled about the "changes" as well. The little side gate nearest the bar is locked with a padlock which means she now has to walk all the way around to the main gate whenever she's picking up food orders or restocking the bar. Inefficient...and wait a minute...What?? The new management expects me to pay to come to a place that used to be free to get into...and that, by the way, still looks EXACTLY THE SAME. She glumly tells me that her tips are down 50% from last summer because the locals are staying away. That's Bad JuJu.

God, I wish I had the money to buy the place. Do you know that in Clark Gable's day you could fish for your supper in their trout ponds right from your table while swilling an excellent martini? Where in L.A. can you do that? That's the way to go! Bring back the true "mid century cool" not the fake Naugahyde one. Are you listening Mr. Weibtraub? Give me a call, I can make it happen...until then, I'll be sneaking in to the pool bar like any self respecting local.