Monday, October 12, 2009

I See A Red Door...

I have been suffering a crisis of faith in 2009 like you wouldn't believe. I've become the 'Show Me' Bitch. It's easy to believe when things are going well. You can be zen, you can meditate, you can appreciate the simple beauty of nature and see the good in every situation...but go six months or more without income, exhaust your unemployment benefits and you too will want to see everything painted black.

I have a particularly 'faithful' friend. She's been to prison, she's been homeless, she's had cancer, but goddammit, she's STILL optimistic and grateful! A zombie could literally be snacking on her brain while she's still alive and she'd say "I'm just so grateful it didn't rape me!" She implores me to "stay positive and know that the universe has something better in store for me."

Paint it, paint it, paint it black!

With this crisis of faith come the warm, insidious whispers of the dark side. I don't know what they sound like in your head but in mine they slither "Preciousssssss..." As a writer, I suppose I should be grateful (aha!) for the insights these times have given me. I'm no stranger to darkness, mind you...but I can now completely identify with crazy white boys who go on shooting sprees. Could a little demonstration of Goodness have changed things for them?

So, to Goodness, I say 'Show Me'. If you really do triumph over Evil, a little good faith, of course...shouldn't be asking too much. The clock is ticking and Evil is tapping it's impatient toe...

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore, I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love, both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens every day

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the setting sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes

I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black

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