Become an Accessory after the Fact!

Hey whoever reads this! I've added the "Follower" widget to my blog. It takes a second to add yourself and if you're a regular reader, I'd love to know about it. Of course, then again, I could find out that no one is reading and I'll have to take my existential temperature about that!

I've kind of been spending the entire day mired in techno fiddling since I'm giving up old email addresses etcetera, etcetera, etcetera (in the words of Yul Brenner in the original "The King and I"), so this is a part of the fiddling.



The Pinkerton Motto
I've also spent some time becoming more vocal about the debacles currently in California (that extend into other parts of the country as well), meaning Prop 8 being upheld and SAG seemingly incapable of removing it's collective head out of it's collective ass. I swear, and I say this with love (because I do love the actors I have worked with and become personal friends with) if the contract is voted down and they finally strike...I'm going Pinkerton on them. And I won't be alone. I may write more about that later, but now it's back to techno fiddling.

Slavery is not dead in America...it's called "Audience Participation" now

Ah, it is the best of times...it is the worst of times. Actually, it's just the worst of times. Not having worked for six months now since returning from NYC, I have vowed to take whatever opportunities that come along in an effort to create "new activity" and shake up the stagnant "energy" as we say in the newspeak of the language of "the Universe". So, I took my script writing, movie producing ass to Apple One and submitted myself humbly to their tests and agreed to take whatever temp positions came my way. That was over a month ago. I also cross registered myself with every branch in a 50 mile radius only to find that most of them are fighting over the same jobs that are out there. And finally, finally after several false alarms - "We are submitting your resume, along with 10 other applicants, to the client" - for a temp job mind you! Finally, I got a bite. My rep from the Woodland Hills branch called me, breathless last Friday "Marion, I have found you a job in ENTERTAINMENT!"

Wait for it...the gig was to be a PAID audience member of a new game show. The televised version of the apparently wildly popular 20Q - a computer and internet version of 20 Questions. I'm not going to go into the details of the game. You can google or wiki it and find out all about it if you're not already in the know. The only thing that was attractive to me about it...besides the $8 hr pay...was that Cat Deeley is the host. She of "So You Think You Can Dance" fame.

So here's the scoop. Cat Deeley was awesome. She is exactly as warm and personable in person as she appears on SYTYCD. AND she's super sharp, professional and has the patience of a saint. I say this because the production quality of this show was sub-par. Granted, any new show - especially with computer and technical elements, is going to have it's glitches but it took them 12 hours to shoot ONE 1/2 show.

Here's where the slavery part comes in. They loaded us into the lot first - after going through metal detectors and having our bags searched. Then we were ordered to sit on rows of benches and told not to move. Once we were herded into the studio and placed, the warm up guy...and I use the term loosely...put us through our paces. They wanted high energy, enthusiasm, wild applause, loud laughter, hootin' and hollerin'. And they wanted it over and over and over and over again. We were offered no water, no food - aside from some bite sized left over Halloween candy - and were refused bathroom breaks for 5 hours at a time.

The show itself seems awkward and slow compared to the on line or hand held version. Cat Deeley is it's only redeeming quality. Time and time again, she put up with failed teleprompters - which she didn't need because she knew all of her patter by heart. She knew where the cameras were supposed to be, which lighting cues were off...I mean she could have been running the entire show on her own. She never lost her temper, she stood in impossibly high stilettos for hours - all with a smile and kind words for the audience. I'm not sure, but I think the "contestants" might have been getting paid as well - but I can't swear to it. And they were a lame lot...except for the guy who won the final game. A British pastry chef named John who seemed more jazzed about his proximity to Cat than the $20 Grand he won. The final minutes of his play ALMOST made the day worth it. Almost.

I have never been more glad to be released from something than I was Monday night. And I don't care what the universe says...that's activity I can do without. Humbling? Yes. As I sat there surrounded by this audience (mostly background actors, some poor out of work regular folk) who do this regularly, I renewed my resolve to make sure they will always be treated as human beings on any show I'm working on. I will also make sure not to hire anybody that was working on this thing. Except for Cat Deeley, if I ever get the chance. She deserves better. She deserves Ryan Seacrest's career. And I have no doubt she'll get it. But for now, we can all look forward to watching her weave her magic on SYTYCD beginning tonight! Yay!

Finally, I leave you with this to ponder...Working as a truck stop hooker is preferable to paid audience participation...Word!

Something for your Idle Mind

www.procreo.jp This was posted on FaceBook. It's a cool site where you can create a sort of floral garden with your cursor and/or mouse. It's creative which is more than we can say for many time wasting apps.

Please note: the picture above was not created by the listed link. A Japanese artist, Chiho Aoshima, created a whole series of them. This one is called Apricot 3 - A pink dream. To see more of this artist's work go to this link (Galerie Emmanuel Perrotin).

They all have a devilish twist to them which leads me to...

As time goes on, I'm learning that all those sayings we've grown up with...the ones that start with "they say..." are all rooted in good reasoning and age old wisdom. There's a good reason those sayings survive.

One of them being "An Idle Mind is the Devil's workshop". What this has come to mean for me is, if I'm not creating, my mind starts to stir up trouble. Fear, worry, stress - all crowd in and "bedevil" me.

I'm going to try to be even more creative...stay tuned.

MERRY MOTHER'S DAY!

This was supposed to be a Christmas "gift" list that I never finished or published. But they are all still rightly deserved and some have had fabulous and/or unusual updates of their own since this was drafted in December 2008...so here's Christmas is May...


To Lucien, who just finally saw my post about his suspected gay-ness. He's not gay. He's metrosexual. He's a big, black metrosexual man, OK! PS - He has also finally been accepted into his union. Congrats Man! PPS - You are in good manly metrosexual company my friend (LL's pic came up in a google search for "metrosexual")








To Marius, who is human catnip. A steady supply of p**** cats. PS - OR the revelation of a true love that will fulfill you. Use your gift for GOOD not evil ;)










To Renee, who is an angel walking on earth. A lifetime of free wing cleanings. PS - And the renewed joy of nesting.






To Kirstie Alley who went public with her weight loss yearnings because she wanted one more go around on the sexy times track. Someone to fuck you till your eyes pop out, no matter what size you are girl! PS - Since she just went on Oprah, with all the weight back...this goes double now!







To Craig Ferguson who seems to be going quietly mad on late late night. "Saving Grace" is a brilliant movie. You are a funny, talented motherfucker and deserve a MUCH bigger audience. PS - Love the crackpot monkey puppet!




To Lizy, who knows what she REALLY wants but is afraid to go for it. GO FOR IT! PS - I actually don't know what's going on with my friend now. We have drifted apart. But still, whatever you really want, I hope you GO for it.







To H, who has always been exactly who he is. RECOGNITION!










To Arlene, who has a boy in every hood. TRUE LOVE .








To Suzanne, my craziest friend (YES) , MUCH MUCH more laughter and silliness. PS - The goodness you have given returned to you 10 fold.










To Danny, your Mojo back in more ways than one.









To Bianca, EVERYTHING that is your true heart's desire. At the snap of your fingers without any reversals, disappointments, heartaches or let downs.







Merry Mother's Day everyone.

Female Driven movies don't sell...oh wait, they DO!

Is there anything new or groundbreaking about "OBSESSED"? The Beyonce starrer that opened at an obviously unexpected #1 this weekend? Besides Idris Elba and his fine self? No. It's a "Fatal Attraction" retread - and not a fresh one. I guess the big twist is "Oh, we'll make the couple black and the ho white!" Apparently the box office was driven primarily (58%) by women, of which half were 25 or under. Now, that is most likely due to Ms. Knowles (or Mrs. Carter). And who were the other 42%?

Would the movie have done as well on a bigger weekend? With different stars? Better story? Who knows? All I know is - I wish "Hollywood" would make up it's mind about...well, anything but specifically about female driven projects. Television (cable or otherwise) is the current domain of female driven projects. Just about every network has at least one successful skein with a female protagonist.

I have a theory about that. Having just had this conversation last week with my manager (who I love =)) about the new script I delivered. An erotic thriller with a female protagonist entitled "151". It's 'R' rated - for language, sex and violence. Think Joe Eszterhas in his prime...think "Basic Instinct", "The Jagged Edge", "Body Heat", "The Last Seduction." My manager's first suggestion was "Let's take it to Lifetime." .....cricket, cricket, cricket....hello, is this thing on? Don't get me wrong. I'd LOVE to sell something to Lifetime! I'd love to sell something to anyone! But the reasoning behind the logic went like this..."The Women" was terrible and it tanked."

Now, "The Women" was a much ballyhoed project around town for many years. Almost every 'A' list actress was attached to it at one time or another. When the "Sex and the City" movie came out and killed - all of Hollywood went bananas - shocked! shocked, I say that the movie based on the wildly successful and enduringly popular series was doing such gangbuster business. And assuming that we women are out here waiting for just any bullshit movie with a Vajayjay. Obviously, that's not true. Because nobody had an appetite for "The Women" - it wasn't able to draft behind SATC's success. It tanked....with all of our female driven hopes and dreams tied to it???????

I think women, just like men - all being human - are attracted to good escapist fare. Give us an underdog who comes out on top, a person in peril who kicks ass, a misunderstood superhero (or villian for that matter), a story we can relate to and an outcome we can cheer for and we're happy. And these days, with the "all too real" doom and gloom the media is feeding us 24/7, we need that escapist fare even more. And if there's hot sex, cool subcultures, exotic locales and a feel good ass kicking involved - Yahoo! Why should Lifetime have all the fun? I'm just sayin'...

By the way, Idris Elba is a fine Mother F**cker! Loved him since "The Wire" and his turns on "The Office" and "RockNRolla" have deepened that love. I even tried to watch something awful called "The Unborn" because he was in it. Unfortunately he wasn't in the first 15 minutes and I bailed. He also deejays under the name "Big Driis the Londoner" and has produced music with JayZ! He brings it. He is a man; capitol M-A-N, Man! So thrilled to see his career is on FIRE!

Dear Somali Pirates, please accept my application for review...

Now that you are stepping up your piracy efforts and coming into contact with world leaders, you need to do something about your image. The first thing that comes to mind is....well, you need a Queen. A Pirate Queen. I feel I am uniquely qualified for this position for a number of reasons. Please peruse my resume below:

I have flaming red hair. The most famed Queen of the Pirates - Grace O'Malley had red hair. Red hair is mandatory.

I am of statuesque voluptuous build. And don't put me in a corset because men will weep.

I have been married to an OG - which, in urban parlance means a bad mother fucker. I was his partner in all things. A Ruff Rida. Bonnie to his Clyde but in a much more pimpin way. I did whatever necessary to further our empire.


I have been involved in violent incidents, including but not limited to stabbings, shootings, beat downs. These things do not make me lose my presence of mind. Also, as your 'front woman', so to speak - they'll be much less likely to shoot at me.

I have a problem with authority which makes me immediately resistant to any of the normal channels of "negotiating" - An added plus here is that I have no fear of Hillary Clinton. Someone you should watch out for - in or out of international waters.

I have led film crews - consisting mostly of rough men with labor union backgrounds - into a daily battle we call "making the day" and been victorious. And this, despite often having to contend with a captain too drunk or enraged with his own sad state as a man.

I am a white woman of a certain age - with the grace and guile that this entails. This means I can reconnoiter and decoy in places where - frankly, you'll stick out like a third world sore thumb.

I have maternal instincts and am quite obsessive about the state of my immediate surroundings. This means that YOUR immediate surroundings will improve dramatically. People will bathe, keep their bunks tidy, laundry will be done, meals will be healthier and tastier. The liquor will be top shelf.

I am willing to pleasure some of you sexually, but this will be at my sole discretion and based on how you appeal to me esthetically. Smell is verrrry important.

All in all, you would do well to consider this offer before another pirate outfit does. What I require in return for being your Queen, is private quarters, 30% of all plunder, access to modern transportation and final deciding vote on all proposed pirate endeavors. The contract shall be for one year with two renewal options.

Thanks for your consideration and I look forward to discussing the possibilities in the near future.

P.S. - This shit right here, pirate? This shit right here ain't never gonna happen. So forget about it.

Sincerely, M

In case we needed further evidence that times are indeed tough...even God has his hand out.

Yes, and he appears to be reaching for an intergalactic hot pocket. What amazes me, is that despite the constant, non stop barrage of news and media blaring from every audio, visual, tactile orifice that we are going to hell in a hand basket...America hasn't begun to change the way it does business. Don't get me wrong. Not everyone is covering their ears and singing LALALALALA. Fast food chains have stepped up and offered their already well priced, fattening, artery clogging menus for even less. Value meals, 99¢ menus. Thank God! Because without them we couldn't look like this...

As we all know...throughout history, fatness was a sign of wealth. Well then DAMN, what the fuck are we worried about America? It's well known that we are the fattest nation....so I call foul on this whole "economic downturn - recession - depression" wolf crying. Let us take our pounds of flesh and pay our mortgages, car notes, utility bills, school tuition. Hell, splurge....use that abdominal flap for nice vaca in the Bahamas!

On a completely different note....Oh Snap! In a shocking break with protocol, our new buff armed first lady, Michelle Obama TOUCHED the Queen of England. WTF? Has the giddiness of the past 3 months gone to her head? I know most people think the Monarchy is obsolete but I gotta tell you - if I had been prepared for the throne since birth and been QUEEN for most of my life, I would demand the respect that should come with that. She has made personal sacrifices that none of us would accept. Do you think she wanted to stay married to Prince Phillip? Do you think she wanted to have to sit across from those twits her sons married? Do you think she had Diana whacked? Watch your back Michelle Obama is all I've got to say.

And finally, This is my new dream. To own a drive in Liquor Lounge with local alkie deer as customers. They can really put away the Peppermint Schnapps!