Holding out for a Hero

I just started reading "Wicked Lovely" by Melissa Marr. A story about "Faery intrigue, mortal love and the clash of ancient rules and modern expectations". And of course the girl has a friend who is a rogue, a man who lives on the outside of society but who is fiercely loyal and protective of her. A man, who although a player, is sweet and sensitive and so perceptively tuned in to her that he and only he can penetrate her inscrutability and help her with her tortured secret. This is the why we women adore these stories. It's why the Twilight series (in all it's maudlin longing) and probobly every romance novel ever written are so popular with women. Because we all want that man. We all want that sense of having rare and cherished access to a creature considered either dangerous or unattainable by all others. And the feeling that we get when such a creature shelters us in his arms. We want Heathcliff, we want Edward (well I don't), we want Rhett, Sawyer...we want to hear "Stay alive whatever the cost, I will find you!" or "I have crossed oceans of time to find you".

I was compelled to write this in the middle of my reading the first chapter because a deep sadness overcame me and I needed to explore why. I have been fortunate or unfortunate enough (depends who you ask) to have experienced this sort of grand romance. It's what's spoiled me for all others. It's why I know that Plenty of Fish or any other dating site isn't going to work for me. Because even now, with the wisdom of past experience, I'd still rather take all the bad that comes with this kind of good than settle for hum drum. And make no mistake about it, most men are hum drum to me. And I tried hum drum, even married hum drum once. His hum drum-ness didn't grow on me, it grew into contempt. I didn't just want to divorce him...I wanted to kill him.

Bonnie Tyler said it best

I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero 'till the end of the night
He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero 'till the morning light
He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life

Sigh.

Hero or Villain?

There's a trend toward dividing us all up into these two categories. But there's a large shadowy middle ground where Heroic Villains hang out. Vin Diesel in Pitch Black was the perfect heroic villain. I believe we all know instinctively what group we fall into. Do you? I am definitely not a straight up hero but also not a died in the wool villain. But who is these days? It's complicated.

Was Hitler a true villain? Most of the world would say yes. But would his mother? Could some steady Jungian therapy have changed his course? If having homosexual tendencies hadn't been so severely frowned upon (while being as rampantly prevalent as it is today) would he have happily come out of the closet and danced around in his mama's dresses like Alexis Arquette and eventually starred in the dinner theater production of "Mein Kampf" which would have been about his struggle with eternal pudginess rather than his bid for world domination? But I digress.

I think we are all born as inherent heroes and our experiences shape some of us into villains. I was apparently an adventurous spirit from the get-go. When I was 3 and the youngest kid on my block in Toronto, I used to take off regularly to "go to school", crossing big streets, stopping at the store to pick up school supplies and inevitably getting picked up by the cops and returned to my parents. So, is it really a surprise that my first husband was a gangster? Or that I've always had a problem with authority figures? Is it any wonder I've always seen situations differently than pretty much everyone I know?

Here's a good quiz to see where you stand on the Hero-meter:


1. Would you help your best friend hide a body?

2. Would you accept an expensive item that you know "fell off a truck?"

3. Would you purger yourself for someone you love?

4. Would you pull the plug on a a loved one to end their suffering? To make things easier?

5. Would you drive drunk?

On first read, you may think it's black & white and that your answers are NO. But if you stop to think about what the circumstances might be and who else is involved...it's complicated right?

John McCain is considered a hero. He fought for his country, he survived POW camp, he never gave up any secrets. On the flip side of that, it turns out his capture and imprisonment is what catapulted him to hero status. He was a terrible pilot - crashed several jets before going down over Veit Nam. It's possible he didn't have any secrets and therefore couldn't give any up. He cheated on his disfigured wife, dumped her and married Cindy a month later. Hmmm. Doesn't sound too heroic to me. He made no secret of his bitterness at being forced to toe the party line and support Bush's reelection bid back in 2004. But he did it, to serve his own end. You don't run for president unless you have a huge ego. And he is obviously willing to do whatever it takes.

Hillary Clinton's design was all over the Vince Foster "suicide." How many dead guys do you know that can roll themselves up in a carpet and drop themselves off at the park? She did what she had to do to protect her legacy.

The Queen of England was more than likely involved in the death of Princess Diana. My mother argues that the Queen would never do such a thing. But that's how the Monarchy has survived for all of these centuries. Diana was a loose canon who was becoming more and more difficult to control. I gotta tell you, if I had been bearing the burden of the Monarchy since I was born and found myself with a problem in- law on my hands....

Well...would you help me hide the body?