On the 6th day of Christmas...

The Universe gave to me...

My crazy friend Suzanne.
The one I can slip into wacky accents with and spin hysterical, offbeat stories with. Who initiates or follows some of the greatest ideas that lead to the most fun a human being can have without ever leaving their living room. She is creative and fearless and learning new ways to challenge herself creatively even as I write this. She's the one I share my latest editing triumphs and problems with. She's the one who makes me think "why not?" rather than "why? or "how?"

She often says that being with me makes her feel 12 years old. Because we instinctively give each other license to play. To be the impish, spontaneous, joyous souls we came here to be.

3 Simple Things...and Cake...or Death

Good Morning Faithful 9!

In case you haven't noticed, there's a new age dawning. It occurred to me this morning that there are 3 simple things to see us through.

Sea Salt. The biggest proof to me that we evolved from the sea. Dip anything into salt water and it will heal. Cuts, rashes, bug bites, chicken pox, measles. I had a fair amount of dental work done earlier this year and the number one most helpful item to me was...sea salt. Swishing it around with warm water in your mouth eases pain, sensitivity and heals the tissue miraculously fast. I've used regular salt in a pinch but get Sea Salt.

Apple Cider Vinegar. My most amazing experience with it has always been what my family calls "vinegar socks." If you are running a fever related to flu or cold, dip cotton socks into a mixture of equal parts water and vinegar, squeeze out the excess and put them on with a dry pair over them and get under the covers. It feels gross and smells like salad but it will draw the fever right out of you. ACP also stops itching from rashes, bug bits, etc. Women have douched with it for centuries...although I'm not cosigning that one. But it's also used internally for a host of well being. Google and and see. It's touted for everything from weight loss to acne! I use it now to cut cravings. Mix a little into water or juice...many drink it straight. I tried that but it burned my throat. It will cut your craving or hunger pangs immediately. Get the unprocessed kind.

Virgin Coconut Oil. My daughter turned me on to this. You'll also find loads of info on Google about this. Scientifically proven info! It's used for everything from cooking to deep hair conditioner. Pacific Islanders use it as an all purpose health and beauty aid and they have been found to age less and have excellent dental health! Scientifically, the properties are proven to kill bad bacteria in the body. When I first started using it (cooking with it) I would mix a tablespoon into my oatmeal. A few hours later I noticed I was having palpitations. It was revving up my metabolism. But not in that weird, buzzy amphetamine way. If you're skin feels dry and dehydrated, massage coconut oil in and then take your shower. You'll feel like 'Bikinis on the Beach' as my friend Matthew would say.

If you have these 3 things in your home, you'll be ok...Oh and one more thing. LAUGH. A lot. Every day. Here's a little "Cake or Death" to get you started.

On the 6th Day of Christmas...

My Universe gave to me...

Katt Williams!

I couldn't possibly say enough about how much I love and appreciate this man. I'm not even going to bother posting any youtube clips because there are too many to choose from. He is brilliant. He is genius. He is funnier than shit while observing the way of the world and bringing those observations back home to roost with his audience...


He is a potent antidote for whatever ails me...and I need a BIG dose of him today. When you see this level of brilliance it's difficult to not believe that there's something bigger than us as individuals out there...


I LOVE YOU KATT!!!! I GOT YOUR BACK!!

The Aggro of Creative Birth!

The reason I haven't posted anything new since MJ died is because I've been prepping a live comedy show while still looking for employment. As I approach the 10 month mark (!) I wonder if I'll ever work again. But when the going gets tough, what do the tough do? COMEDY!

I recently read this joke: In Italy, a very depressed man goes to see his doctor. "I am so very depressed doctor, I'm afraid I may kill myself. What should I do?" The doctor replies thoughtfully and without hesitation "There is a great clown, a famous entertainer named Pagliacci. He makes all of the people laugh and forget their troubles. Go and see him without hesitation." The depressed man smiles sadly "But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci."

While writing can be lonely and isolating, it is a sublime form of creative birth. One where you have all of the control and where the only limits to your creation are in your own imagination. Physical creation is always fraught with aggravation, I find. Limitations challenge you at every turn. Finances, technical ability, time, depending on others...all become a melange of brain splitting stress. Or maybe it's just me. Everyone says "Just enjoy the process. Stop focusing on the problems. You're thwarting your own good!" And to them I say "Go fucking create something and get back to me." In my experience, whether it's a little 3 minute video, a live show, a $4 million or $34 million movie, there will be blood. And we should have the right to be frustrated and vent about it, right? I questioned myself the other day. Maybe this means I don't love it? They say if you do something you love, success will come? Um, this is Hollywood. That's not the rule. You have to REALLY want it and be willing to do and put up with whatever comes to get it. And then...you still might not. There are more people actively hating on you and secretly wishing that you fail than there are those supporting you. Katt Williams says we should welcome the haters but I don't need their bad juju added into the soup of my own negativity. I'm becoming so superstitious in my advancing age that the thought of someone sitting in the theater who doesn't wish me well is tantamount to giving me the "evil eye!"

But I DO love it. I've been putting on shows and creating worlds and stories and people since I can remember. We love our children but they still can frustrate us, break our hearts and make us curse them at times. I guess I have to make my peace with that and keep creating.

I leave you with this thought: Who can Pagliacci turn to?

MERRY MOTHER'S DAY!

This was supposed to be a Christmas "gift" list that I never finished or published. But they are all still rightly deserved and some have had fabulous and/or unusual updates of their own since this was drafted in December 2008...so here's Christmas is May...


To Lucien, who just finally saw my post about his suspected gay-ness. He's not gay. He's metrosexual. He's a big, black metrosexual man, OK! PS - He has also finally been accepted into his union. Congrats Man! PPS - You are in good manly metrosexual company my friend (LL's pic came up in a google search for "metrosexual")








To Marius, who is human catnip. A steady supply of p**** cats. PS - OR the revelation of a true love that will fulfill you. Use your gift for GOOD not evil ;)










To Renee, who is an angel walking on earth. A lifetime of free wing cleanings. PS - And the renewed joy of nesting.






To Kirstie Alley who went public with her weight loss yearnings because she wanted one more go around on the sexy times track. Someone to fuck you till your eyes pop out, no matter what size you are girl! PS - Since she just went on Oprah, with all the weight back...this goes double now!







To Craig Ferguson who seems to be going quietly mad on late late night. "Saving Grace" is a brilliant movie. You are a funny, talented motherfucker and deserve a MUCH bigger audience. PS - Love the crackpot monkey puppet!




To Lizy, who knows what she REALLY wants but is afraid to go for it. GO FOR IT! PS - I actually don't know what's going on with my friend now. We have drifted apart. But still, whatever you really want, I hope you GO for it.







To H, who has always been exactly who he is. RECOGNITION!










To Arlene, who has a boy in every hood. TRUE LOVE .








To Suzanne, my craziest friend (YES) , MUCH MUCH more laughter and silliness. PS - The goodness you have given returned to you 10 fold.










To Danny, your Mojo back in more ways than one.









To Bianca, EVERYTHING that is your true heart's desire. At the snap of your fingers without any reversals, disappointments, heartaches or let downs.







Merry Mother's Day everyone.