Say my Name!

WHEW! It's always such a great feeling when I finish writing a script. It's exhilaration, giddiness, relief, hope, nervousness. I DID IT BITCHES! I have to admit that this time the experience is a bit different because I have a new friend that reads voraciously - so talk about immediate feedback...and she's a fan - so rest assured that immediate feedback was GOOD. So for at least the rest of this evening, I'm going to chill. I wish I had a cigarette and a glass of champagne...or some other 'writer's ritual' for the completion of a project. Remember poor James Caan in "Misery"?

Well here's my ritual for today:

Watch General Hospital/surf Facebook&DListed&imdb/eat 99¢tacos/smoke a b**l...simultaneously.

I'm stopping there before I start writing about what happens tomorrow...

Shamelessly Impressed...

The interview in Vogue makes the comparison between Beyonce and Britney. They are only 3 months apart. There are many similarities in their lives: Both started performing at 8 (?) Both have or have had parents as managers. Both come from the dirty dirty South. Both have younger sisters who have kids - (but who's careers pale in comparison to their older siblings).

But as to how they compare now????? These words are a waste of time. It's obvious to even the most Helen Keller of us that Beyonce is Quality with a capitol Q. As a singer, as a performer and certainly as a human.

She has had to contend with all of the same foibles of being a child star. And she has done it with grace. I bow. I bow.

Oh and P.S. Etta James. I'd probably feel the same way girl but come on, shut the hell up!

Lyubov V Bolshom Gorode beats Watchmen at the Box Office!

The Russian Box Office...but still.

Our little $3.5 million movie that could - DID. It's the second time I've been fortunate enough to be involved with a #1 movie. The last one was "THE WEDDING PLANNER." That opened on Superbowl weekend and was perfect counter programming. "NO LOVE IN THE CITY", the U.S. title for this movie opened on International Women's Day weekend. Smart stuff.

It also has a lot to offer. It has...

Handsome Russian movie stars...

Plucky Russian Heroines...

Brighton Beach showgirls...

Pliable strippers...

A cool double decker bus...

drama...

Romance...

fairytale settings...

AND the Russian King of Pop!

There are also some really cool CGI effects, great music and lots of laughs. I hope it gets a U.S. release so that you can get a chance to see it. It's a very romantic comedy!

Buckwheat can save the World!

☚Not this one...
Although, his adorable little face could go a long way toward saving us.








But the buckwheat I speak of is this...☛
Sobakawa buckwheat pillows. If everyone slept on one of these, there'd be no more crankiness. They're a gift from the gods.

The difference between a night of sleep like this...

or a night of sleep like this...

Sleeping on regular pillows makes your face look

☜ like this ....

or like this....☞

and will leave you feeling and looking like this when you awake ☟

✻ shudder ✼

But when I wake up after a night of sleeping on my Sobakawa buckwheat pillow I feel like...

Michelle Kwan!

We CAN change the world, one pillow at a time. Do your part now! Your face and those of us who have to look at it will thank you ❤

Can I see those in a Size 10?

I have come up with an economic stimulus idea for California and Octopussy. She of the fourteen rugrats and no visible means of income except for that porn offer from Vivid. There's a way she can retain what dignity she has or ever had, become an income generating, tax paying citizen, care for her herd and still supply the masses with their dose of Octopussy gawking. Ready?

Here it is.


You know that abondoned water park on the way to Las Vegas - off Hwy 15 near Bartstow? It's called Rock-A-Hoola and it's long been a point of fascination and imagination for many of us who pass it regularly on the way to and from sin city. OK, picture this:


We build a large shoe shaped house on the Rock -A-Hoola property. Big enough for Octopussy and her litter. She and they can act as both attraction and caretakers of the park. Imagine all the fun that can be had? All the revenue it can generate for California and for the poor happless progeny of Octopussy.The marketing opportunities boggle the mind!

Octopus shaped baby dolls.

Novelty t-shirts

Embryo crackers

those fun Wax Lips!

and shoes!

An outlet mall that sells nothing but shoes! While your kids play with the Octo-litter in the water park and explore the genuine Shoe House, you can peruse the endless brands of designer shoes for sale. Sergios and Manolos and Louboutins, oh my!

Hmmm. Now how to revamp that old water slide.....Wait for it....We reimagine it as a giant scale birth canal! That's right! What could be more fun than shooting out from between two larger than life Octopussy thighs and down the water slide like one of her money makers...er...babies??

I think it's a no brainer. And to prove I'm right, check out the little newspaper article below, from 1936...



Imagine how much more fun I'd have with photo shop. Sigh.

Hang Time

I am the Michael Jordan of the unemployed. It's now been 3 1/2 months since I returned from working in New York. So far, I've made it through the holidays, the collapse of the modern world's financial infrastructure, the ongoing SAG work stoppage/hostage situation, Valentine's Day and the Oscars without receiving a dime of my hard earned unemployment compensation.

I've learned 52 ways to prepare oatmeal to resemble other, more appetizing food stuffs. I've learned how to color my own hair, trim my own bangs, that a solution of 1 part vinegar and 2 parts water cleans my laminate floors the best. I DIY manicures, pedicures, teeth whitening, pilates, chiropractic and therapy. It may be time to take on home horticulture...if you know what I mean. The only thing I'm not doing is bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan.

Oh, it's only a matter of time, I know. Meanwhile, I ponder morality issues like - If I catch the repo man hooking up my car, do I offer him a blow job or...

...do I adopt the Sigourney Weaver from ALIENS - "Get away from her you BITCH!" stance?

...actually, Tony Montana is more me. "Say hello to my little friend!"

Frankly, my blow jobs are worth way more than what I owe. And, by the way....ew. Sigh. I was never the sexual bartering type. That happens when you're used to being begged for it. Now, where did it get me? But I digress.
Here's more useless information I've amassed while hanging. CSI-Miami is the shit. While I was incubating the plague last week, my TV was stuck on A&E and I didn't have the will to find the remote. So I watched the marathon. It's well crafted. They have a distinct color palette for the show that's very Miami...all sherbet pastels and color saturated. The stories - taken from real CSI files I assume - are cool. Each character has their "thing" and I like them all. Especially the delish Khandi Alexander.
And I have to believe that David Caruso is in on the joke with those corny one-liners he delivers at least once during each episode. Like "You know what they say, 'You lie down with the Devil, you wake up in Hell". He's still the bad ass he promised to be back on NYPD Blue. He took his knocks, got pissed on by Hollywood for a while, found his way back and is doing what he's good at. That's all any of us can hope for, right?

Redemption seems to be a theme in 2009 so far. America, Mickey Rourke...well America hasn't been redeemed yet. There's still some Golden Shower action in the old USA's future before we can be considered "redeemed." Sean Penn acknowledged his own duplicity in his prickly relationship with success and acceptance in the Hollywood community. He worked hard for that Oscar. Mickey Rourke did too. Even though he didn't end up with it, he was a contender to the wire. And a great come back tale for all of us out here wondering if we have a 2nd act or a 3rd....

Meanwhile, I've perfected the art of hang time. Now, just wait and see what I bust out with at the next game buzzer.


P.S. - Below is a little "barter system chart" left over from the last depression. Pay special attention to the man with the sheep...

You R On Your Own

I have returned from my momentary lapse of reason. I was gripped by a need to try and control something that I have no control over. While SAG continues to cannibalize itself and hold the rest of us hostage - I no longer give a shit. I am now going to be ALL ABOUT ME. So suck it Rosenberg and the other remaining power mad freaks who are determined never to work in this town again. I LOVE actors. Truly love them and have always been their advocate but this is utter stupidity. I don't make any declarations here of what I hope happens to them. I don't have a horse in that race - even though the old me would. All I want to do is make movies and I don't care how that happens. I'll make them in Poland, I'll make them in Nigeria, I'll make them in Russia. Anywhere I have the opportunity to be involved in making a movie...I'll go. I don't care if there's anyone recognizable in them, or if they get U.S. distribution. FUCK THAT. That is all. Good Day....I SAID Good Day!!