The Show Glow - Tales of Bitchcraft!

Thought I'd share some photos from the actual show, both behind the scenes and on stage. Behind the scenes there are always obstacles to overcome. The timeline and countdown to curtain inevitably gets screwed up. Or maybe that's just waht happens when you have no rehearsal time in the actual space. One of our big snafus that night was learning that the theater's address was wrong on the invitations! How did we find this out? By the deluge of calls to my mobile 30 minutes before showtime! Argh! Luckily, everyone did end up finding the place but it shook up my pre show calm to say the least. Do you think Celine Dion has these problems?

It was at this point that we broke out the booze. Not that we wouldn't have in any case. I would never have had a drink or a "smoke" before a theater performance, but this is a retro kind of variety show a la Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr. We don't just drink, we "drank"!

So, we're down to the wire and the ladies are doing their "last looks"

I know I'm going to have to arm wrestle Monique to get this wig back. It looks great on her and she wants to wear it everywhere!

Heidi has fortified herself with enough wine to go out and do something she's never done before. Stand up!

There was a little drama when my daughter Bianca arrived. She had agreed to run the sound and light board for the show without learning that this meant being in the booth the entire night. She got a little upset about that because she really wanted to sit in the audience and watch me. As the producer and star of the show, this made me both frustrated and a little mad, because if she had just been willing to hear the whole spiel, we could have avoided this pre show kerfuffle. As her mother, it made my heart tighten up and made me want to cry. No body puts baby in a corner! Sigh. Ultimately, I broke the fourth wall with the audience and started my performance by going over and opening the booth window, introducing her to the audience and telling everyone that she'd be watching the show from there. She was kind of embarrassed but it played really well and baby got to not only watch the show but interact with it. I love her. She is my Tim Gunn. I always know if I'm on the right track if she likes what I'm doing and therefore, I will always want to make her happy, even when it's a pain in my ass.

Here's the screen in the darkened theater right before the video began to play at 8PM sharp. Several people came late. To a live show. After the video had played. They're pictures were taken and I called them out...all in good fun, but seriously people. Live theater. Is not a movie you can walk in on 10 minutes late. And a movie won't call your ass out. I will. It's part of the show. What about the title "Bitchcraft! did you not understand?

Once everyone got settled in, things went very smoothly from there. I had fun with it. I took a few picture sof the audience. Well, only two and you can't really tell what they are. After that I forgot how the camera worked and that was that.

Heidi Popp came on next and read from her journals, basically about all of her failed romances in L.A. Hey, if you live in L.A. then you know all about them. Guys come and go, but the material lasts forever. Go Heidi!

Next up was Monique Edwards, who is a film and television actress but had never appeared as a singer before this night. She has an amazing voice and a great big persona that belongs in this kind of arena. She should be preparing a dinner theater show as we speak and getting booked all over the world. And she should buy a wig just like this one. Seriously. The all over effect was perfection. Sell it sistah!

Then it was time for my last set. During this part of the show, I take topics that the audience has written down before the show and give my opinion on them. Unrehearsed. This is my favorite part of the show. Some of the topics that night were: Orgies, Religion, Global Warming, Spanx Underwear, Girls Who Squirt, President Obama and The Law of Attraction. I chose not to address Spanx but whoever wrote that suggestion gets the last laugh, because I chose not to wear my Spanx that night. It was too hot and I wanted to be comfortable. Seeing the tape and the photos, I see that instead of being uncomfortable I was assy. Live and learn. You can bet I'll be Spanxed up when I play the Apollo!

FInally, I want to share the faux tabloid cover I created for the end of the "She's A Bitch, Now" video. I'm so jazzed at how good it looks, I just wanted it to live here where more people might see it and read it. I love it!

The Aggro of Creative Birth, Part 2: Congratultions, it's a Show!

Or should I say the Aggro and the Ecstasy? Because there is ecstasy involved when things you've imagined in your head draw together from small particles of energy and solidify before your eyes. Bitchcraft!, my first live comedy show since October of 2007 has come and gone. And it has evolved. Not yet perfectly formed but definitely took some big steps forward toward becoming my imagining.

(l to r: M. Edwards, M. Bolstad, M. Douglas, H. Popp)

I always envisioned a show that mixed mediums and media. Comedy, music, dancing, art, film. On Saturday night I opened the show with the video you can watch below if you're inclined in any way. The concept began with a spoof song title. The Commodores "Brick House" became "She's a Bitch, Now!" The song was recorded and then I came up with a concept for the video. The video was shot over a weekend and then it took me four weeks to edit four minutes worth of video! We are talking a steep, steep learning curve. Now I had my video to open my show with. I'm working with a zero budget at the moment and through the kindness of friends was able to secure a theater with a projection system. Unfortunately, I didn't find out until we finally had access to the stage that the projection screen would not lower and raise electronically but rather with a hand crank...so my vision of striding unto the stage, riding the wave of applause after the video were somewhat crushed during the much too long interval of completely blacked out hand cranking, interspersed with audience tittering and coughing...sigh.

(taking a look at Maureen's camera work)

But nonetheless, I grew the show exponentially. I added guest performers, who also appear in the video with me. I also wrote material for myself for the first time. Normally I do what I like to call Improv Stand Up. Meaning, I quip my way through audience suggested topics on the spot. This is still a big part of the show and was ultimately born out of my never having had time to write myself comedy material. It seems hair raising to most but for me that is fun! Delivering written material is what's scares the crap out of me! So, as a result of spending much too much time editing the video that would amount to four minutes of the show, I short changed myself on the honing of my material. And I was beating myself but good over it.

Between producing every element to hand holding my guest performers to stressing over the hand crank, I had beaten every last bit of fun out of it for me. I was sitting in the dressing room 30 minutes before show time and was just pissed off. Then, my inner voice just said "fuck it!" and I made the decision to go out there and just be real about it. For $5 our audience was getting free liquor, donut holes and a pretty damn entertaining show. And the experience of being a part of something that is still forming, still growing, still evolving. They got to be a part of the birthing process. And I give big, huge, donkey dick gratitude to each and every person who came and paid and enjoyed (many for the 2nd or 3rd time). Because they are encouraging me to keep the baby alive! It may not be fully formed yet. It may have a harelip but it's still a living part of me and someday, in the non too distant future, we'll raise enough money to get that baby's harelip fixed and I hope that everyone who has helped nurture and raise it, will be there to see it's perfect smile!

Click here to watch "She's A Bitch, Now!"

The Aggro of Creative Birth!

The reason I haven't posted anything new since MJ died is because I've been prepping a live comedy show while still looking for employment. As I approach the 10 month mark (!) I wonder if I'll ever work again. But when the going gets tough, what do the tough do? COMEDY!

I recently read this joke: In Italy, a very depressed man goes to see his doctor. "I am so very depressed doctor, I'm afraid I may kill myself. What should I do?" The doctor replies thoughtfully and without hesitation "There is a great clown, a famous entertainer named Pagliacci. He makes all of the people laugh and forget their troubles. Go and see him without hesitation." The depressed man smiles sadly "But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci."

While writing can be lonely and isolating, it is a sublime form of creative birth. One where you have all of the control and where the only limits to your creation are in your own imagination. Physical creation is always fraught with aggravation, I find. Limitations challenge you at every turn. Finances, technical ability, time, depending on others...all become a melange of brain splitting stress. Or maybe it's just me. Everyone says "Just enjoy the process. Stop focusing on the problems. You're thwarting your own good!" And to them I say "Go fucking create something and get back to me." In my experience, whether it's a little 3 minute video, a live show, a $4 million or $34 million movie, there will be blood. And we should have the right to be frustrated and vent about it, right? I questioned myself the other day. Maybe this means I don't love it? They say if you do something you love, success will come? Um, this is Hollywood. That's not the rule. You have to REALLY want it and be willing to do and put up with whatever comes to get it. And then...you still might not. There are more people actively hating on you and secretly wishing that you fail than there are those supporting you. Katt Williams says we should welcome the haters but I don't need their bad juju added into the soup of my own negativity. I'm becoming so superstitious in my advancing age that the thought of someone sitting in the theater who doesn't wish me well is tantamount to giving me the "evil eye!"

But I DO love it. I've been putting on shows and creating worlds and stories and people since I can remember. We love our children but they still can frustrate us, break our hearts and make us curse them at times. I guess I have to make my peace with that and keep creating.

I leave you with this thought: Who can Pagliacci turn to?

Michael? Is that you????

Alright! I was so close to a clean get away. I was going to get through the entire "Michael Jackson (This is It!) Death Tour 2009" without getting involved. But hearing Mary Hart (those legs aren't still worth $1 million!) speculating last week on whether "Usher touched an empty casket during the memorial performance" made me have diarrhea of the blog. So here goes.

• His death was shocking but not surprising.

• He was a handsome young black man before he started turning into; first Diana Ross and then a creepy looking old white lady.

• It's quite likely that the widely spread "insider" rumor that he was given drugs to prevent him from going through full blown puberty - and losing the timbre of his multi platinum voice - was true. And would explain so much of his ensuing behavior. It's also quite likely that his dad authorized it.

• He was surrounded by people who were in it for the money and enabled him ruthlessly and shamelessly.

• My daughter once said "Look! There's that girl Michael Jackson!" She was five.
  

• I saw him fondle a child actor in a production van on the Fox lot.

• He wouldn't have fucked Debbie Rowe with your dick. She carried his embryos for cash and because it enabled her to pretend that someone wanted to fuck her.

• His kids looked a lot whiter when they were younger. Children of the Corn white. Prince had white blond hair. So either they've been getting spray tanned or they actually are bi-racial and it's just now starting to show.

• He had an obsession with Prince (the one and only) and named not one but both of his sons Prince. The two were often compared and Michael felt threatened by the Purple one. He once famously got down on his knees in the aisle of a jet and made fun of his rival's stature.
  

• Paris Jackson already looks like she could kick Paris Hilton's ass.

• He had terrible taste in art and furniture...and fashion. Terrible. I'm not sure but I think I'd feel better about being $400 million in debt if the stuff I bought didn't suck.

• Here's a better, "faked death" theory than the boring "Michael faked his death to get out of his debts" version on the Internets. I'll call this theory the "Siegfried & Roy theory" and here's why; Long before Montecore dragged Roy's ass off stage at the Mirage, there was a rumor that the original Roy had had AIDS and that he and Siegfried found a young man who resembled Roy physically and employed him to become Roy's doppelganger in anticipation of his death. He had multiple plastic surgeries and lived at their compound, becoming familiar with and to the animals. This way the show could go on and after all, that's what it's all about, right? Anyway Vegas "insiders" believe that Montecore picked his moment to "out" the fake Roy - fittingly on stage. And this relates to Michael how??? Well, when I first got texted the news of his death, I went on Google immediately, just like you. At that time the news agencies were still reporting it as a heart attack. But a archive story from 2005 about a corpse being found buried on Neverland property popped up - published by The Onion - it's a hilarious spoof but wouldn't it be comforting in some way if this were true? That would mean that this Michael Jackson impostor was responsible for all of the bad behavior. And it also makes sense that the money grubbing coterie surrounding him, needed to keep him alive to ensure the gravy train didn't come to a screeching halt. That's why the music was sucking, that's why someone - who's name rhymes with Moe - also knew the jig would be up if this concert tour had gone forward. Because fake Michael couldn't bring it. It would have been like Milli Vanilli on crack. Unfortunately Bubbles had already been retired and couldn't pull a Montecore and attack MJ as only a freakishly strong chimp could. Maybe have grabbed Michael's rumored prosthetic nose and swallowed it or broken off one of his brittle arms and beat him with it. Bubbles knows the truth!

Finally, here are a couple of absolutely true tidbits from back stage at the memorial last week;

• While all of the other celebs who performed came camera ready, Mariah Carey showed up with her entourage and demanded all attention be paid to her - causing the glam squad on duty to have to stop spackling LaToya...you know that's a thankless gig...and work their magic on Mariah in time for her cue.
  

• Janet was to have been the last to eulogize Michael at the memorial but Michael's daughter, Paris, spoke up and insisted she wanted to do it instead. It was poignant and brave but I gotta say, a part of me...the jaded, black hearted, Hollywood part of me can't help but wonder if she's already playing us.

I have learned things about friends these past few weeks. That some of them were/are Jackson super fans. People I never would have suspected. That's because Michael's earlier music is woven into the "fabric of our lives." We have strong, in some cases, visceral emotional connections to it. And that's why some of you took his death so hard. It wasn't just him dying, but your own Peter Pan memories too. But we'll always have the music and the memories...and we'll always have Paris. Miss Jackson if you're nasty!

I found this link today. Eternalmoonwalk.com It's the first truly pure tribute to the man and I want to share it with friends and fans alike. I think the real Michael would have loved it.

OK, I'll go first...

She couldn't take her eyes off the gown. It had been in the window all spring, yet the shop was never open and the little sign in the window always read "Will return at 11." Whether AM or PM, they never returned. Gold lettering on the doors stated "By Appointment Only" and a phone number. She had left many messages, none were returned. And yet, the shop looked pristine and cared for inside. Lavish gowns and accessories, fit for a princess bride were artfully displayed. Her obsession with the gown had grown to the point where she thought of little else and her trips by the shop had become even more frequent. 11AM, 11PM...11AM, 11PM. Now, as she stood here, waiting for the time on her cell phone to strike 11PM, her heart began to pound. Her mouth became dry. This was it. In 36 seconds, her life would change forever. She'd finally get her hands on the gown...feel the fabric and the weight of it.

She reached deep into her purse and pulled out a baseball glove sized chunk of concrete. Hefted it in her hand, gripping it securely. A quick glance at her phone...as it turned 11PM for the millionth time. With a deep breath, she struck the display window with the concrete chunk. For a second, nothing happened...and then spidery cracks spread with a skittering sound and the window fell at her feet. As she stepped boldly forward to touch the gown, sirens could already be heard heading her way...

Where in the world is Marion Douglas??

For summer I've decided to bring back the cell phone picture journals. The rule is, the pictures have to be taken with my cell phone (which is now a Blackberry Curve rather than Pearl). The twist I'm adding is, you'll have to guess where I am based on the pictures posted. Hopefully this will force me to get out more cuz it'll be pretty boring if all the pictures are of my bedroom! The extra added bonus will be that one of the designated pictures will be a jumping off point to write a short story for anyone who wants to play....

Here we go...Where in the world is Marion Douglas? Post your guesses in the comment section.

Here's a hint: It's in Southern California.

And finally, below is your short story" jump start" photo. The idea is to go with the first thought the image evokes. GO!

I'd love to post your stories too. So send them to me at marion@dangerkittyfilms.com!

When did Bank Robbing become so low rent?

After seeing the trailer for "Public Enemies" with Johnny Depp...a moment of silence...sigh...I really started to think about this. Bonnie & Clyde, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, The Dalton Gang, John Dillinger, Pretty Boy Floyd, Jesse James, Baby Face Nelson...even the SLA, guest starring Patty Hearst, to name the most famous. Then there were the European counterparts who often pulled off the most dazzling of heists.

And finally, the grand daddy of them all, the great folk hero Robin Hood.

Isn't it funny...peculiar, not haha...that as the "greed is good" Wall St. gang rose, the folk hero robbers disappeared? All those folk hero robbers had something in common, they operated during troubled times in our country. And they had the support of the people. Did they all follow Robin Hood's edict of robbing the rich to give to the poor? I'm not sure and I'm not going to research it. But why were Americans celebrating these criminals? Because they were doing something that every one of us has primally wished we could do at one time or another...stick it the man!

So, while Milken and long line of other "white collar" crooks were ass raping us all, bank robbery kind of fell by the way side...at least in the glamour department. Remember that North Hollywood bank of America shootout in 1997? What a debacle. And zero glamour.

Now, back to my original thought. When did bank robbery become so low rent?


In Paris there's a gang calling themselves The Pink Panther Gang. You can read the full story, written by a pretty hot looking guy named Eric Pape, but here's one of my favorite passages: "Their signature is the audacious, tightly choreographed lightning-strike robbery. In 2005, Panthers in St. Tropez on the Côte d'Azur dressed in loud tourist T-shirts, hit a store near the waterfront, then strolled through the tourist-thronged streets—impassable to cars—to a waiting speedboat. In other well-planned getaways, they’ve used bicycles and even skis." How fun is that?

Currently, it seems Americans have become content to view celebrities and "reality stars" as their folk heroes. But what are they doing for US? Do you care if they have cellulite while frolicking on some exotic beach, or if Jon cheated on Kate? Or if they have body odor or whatever the fuck? I DON'T. How much more uplifting and joyous to read that a modern age Robin Hood and his/her Merry band have arisen. To follow their tales of robbing the very banks that have been fucking us out of house and home, right under our very noses....said noses having been buried in the sand watching "I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here" or "Wipe Out" where obese people bounce cruelly off of gigantic mud covered rubber balls (OK, that IS funny!), but I digress...Can you imagine the satisfaction of learning that a group of robbers have emerged, who have returned to the fine tradition of robbing the rich and giving to the poor? And the earth shaking message that would send to Wall St., the AIGs, the Enrons, the Maddoffs, the Chases, our corrupt government? To borrow from "Network" and that famous Peter Finch line "We are MAD as HELL and we're NOT going to take it anymore!" We don't HAVE to take it...but we CAN actually take 'it", meaning riches from the rich.

I don't condone or advise injuring or killing innocents. But, real good old fashioned, well planned out, elegantly executed robbery. Of huge sums to be distributed to those in need. That's the problem with those Somali pirates. They stupidly withhold the much needed aid for their own people on those pirated ships. That is where they lost sympathy and support. Perhaps, if they read, or watched "Robin Hood" a few more times, they'd get the concept. If they were helping their people (as they originally set out to do), they'd be the folk heroes they should be.

When the Mafia first came to New York, they were adored and protected by the people, because they HELPED those in need. You know what corrupts every single entity mentioned here? GREED.

As Bill Maher so eloquently stated the other night, "Greed is NOT good." It is the Achilles heel of every living soul, excepting those special few who should be studied for what it is that they either have of don't have, that exempts them from greed. You can watch the full video clip but one of the highlight for me was "Americans will do anything to each other for money...who acts like this? This wouldn't happen in Sweden...I can't imagine Abba putting out a record called "Get Rich or die tryin'." So, here is my call - to all similar minded peoples. I am looking for smart, sharp, talented, clever, fearless, resourceful people. Multicultural, multi language, open minded, well read, technically adept, organized, detail oriented, good driving, nerves of steel, cool headed under pressure are adjectives I am looking for. The time has come. Restore the days of real folk heroes. Help us help ourselves. The bankers are still sitting in their rosewood paneled offices, laughing at their government bailouts while still grinding the rest of us under their thumbs like loan sharks. They are bullies and it's time to stand up to the bullies.

Who's with me?