On the 12th day of Christmas...

The Universe gave to me...

Reconnection.


With someone I had an instant connection with in school. My friend James. In retrospect, we've spent more time apart than we did together but that three year bond from high school still turns out to exist. When we're together we revert back to an essence of who we were while still being the adults we've become. But there's an unspoken trust, an unspoken language that moves between us. It's such a relief to just be able to 'be' with someone.


Merry Christmas to all...and to all a good night.

On the 11th day of Christmas...

The Universe gave to me...

Katy Perry's FIREWORK.



Baby you're a Firework!

On the 10th day of Christmas...

The Universe gave to me...

Continued opportunities to develop Faith.

What can I say? Faith is my greatest challenge. I'm sure it's a widespread weakness. The one thing organized religion may be good for is the constant dogma of faith. Regardless of how flawed their presentation, they still drum it into the flock. I wasn't raised in faith. In fact, the decoupaged plaque that hung over my mother's kitchen door read "Blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed." Such a bitter bon mot and yet, in it's own twisted way, still a message of faith. Because IF you expect NOTHING you will NOT be disappointed. I unfortunately still live on the razor's edge of dual expectation based on past history. That's the construct we're all dealing with. We have some fluttering expectations that THIS time we won't be disappointed while at the same time preparing for that disappointment because it's what's familiar.


As you can see, my faith muscle is still puny. Atrophied even. I'm struggling to build up the kernel of faith I've coaxed into being...where's a faith Bowflex when you need one?

On the 9th day of Christmas...

The Universe gave to me...

Universal Pictures Marketing.

Last year at this time I was in the bosom of this extraordinary group of people. I got to know many a little and some quite well. They are a dedicated group of people who really love their jobs and care about their filmmakers. Marketing gets a bad rap (for the obvious reason that all green lighting seems to be decided by marketing these days) but from my POV of the films that opened while I was there...some films will die in spite of the most imaginative and heroic efforts and excellent campaigns that are created.



What was even more amazing...to me anyway...was the kindness that I saw demonstrated every day. It turned out to be where I needed to be for as long as I needed to be. I was able to heal and gain strength there and I will always think back on that time with affection. Especially on Lil Owl and she knows who she is...We'll always have Budino!

On the 8th day of Christmas...

The Universe gave to me...

BLACK SWAN.

On the 7th day of Christmas...

The Universe gave to me...

Clarity.

When I first started doing my one woman show again, it was as a birthday gift to myself. I hadn't performed in years but really wanted to give it another go. And it was everything I could have hoped for. Then, as is usually bound to happen...it started to become less fun and more stressful. Suffice it to say that 2010 was a year of clarity. I experienced a roller coaster of creative 'come to Jesus' moments. Snapshots of dying desires and seemingly wasted efforts. After my Santa Barbara debacle and the under attended follow up, I was bloodied...no lie. But what began emerging...almost immediately...was the voice that championed focus and clarity. If I've learned one thing this year it's that you absolutely must focus on one thing at a time if you want to make them happen and be laser certain about what you want. If not, your creative babies may still be born but they will almost certainly be damaged in some way. There seem to be people who can be concieving multiple endeavors simultaneously and with success but those people have teams...in some cases armies (yes Oprah, I'm looking at you) to help them execute. And even then (again, Oprah) not everything flies.

So, little ol' me is going to continue to watch this clarity develop...it's still murky and soft focused...and 2011 will be about continuing to watch and listen inside and outside for those signals and the picture that emerges from them.

On the 6th day of Christmas...

The Universe gave to me...

My crazy friend Suzanne.
The one I can slip into wacky accents with and spin hysterical, offbeat stories with. Who initiates or follows some of the greatest ideas that lead to the most fun a human being can have without ever leaving their living room. She is creative and fearless and learning new ways to challenge herself creatively even as I write this. She's the one I share my latest editing triumphs and problems with. She's the one who makes me think "why not?" rather than "why? or "how?"

She often says that being with me makes her feel 12 years old. Because we instinctively give each other license to play. To be the impish, spontaneous, joyous souls we came here to be.